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Disgust: A Natural Emotional Response to Abuse

Disgust is an emotion about which I never gave much thought. It was just something that happened to me if I caught a stomach virus or ate something disagreeable. But after practicing psychotherapy for several years, disgust emerged as an important emotion in trauma healing.

For example, Kyle, a man in his forties, wanted help with his depressed moods and chronic anxiety. He told me in no uncertain terms that his mother was a cold, uncaring woman who consistently lied, manipulated, and scared her son.

His insight of how his mother’s behavior affected him was impressive, one of the positive results stemming from years in psychoanalysis. However, he had never thought of himself as a survivor of attachment trauma.

Despite the fact that others thought he came from a “fine family,” I thought of Kyle as a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship and childhood emotional neglect.

And, I let him know we could heal.

During our first session, I taught Kyle about the relationship between core emotions and trauma symptoms, like anxiety and depression. Through no fault of his own, he had coped with his childhood emotions the best way he could, by burying them, which happens unconsciously. I showed him, using the Change Triangle as the map, how chronic anxiety and depression are eased, and even healed, by getting in touch with previously buried emotions stemming from past abuse.

Kevin's Change Triangle 1

Kevin's Change Triangle 2

As a precursor to our work, I taught him how to ground and breathe. Grounding and breathing lowers anxiety in the moment, allowing the deeper emotions to safely surface and move through the body to their natural endpoint.

During one memorable session, Kyle was sharing the way his mother would humiliate him if he didn’t get an A in school. “Are you a big dummy?” she would say, taunting him until he cried. I asked him, “Kyle, as you sit here with me now sharing this memory, what emotions do you notice below the neck?”

“She was just so vicious,” he said. “Sick! I would never even think to talk to my son that way,” he said with an undeniable look of disgust on his face.

AEDP therapists are highly trained to recognize non-verbal communications, like facial expressions and body posture. It’s very hard for the body to hide the way it truly feels.

Seeing the look of disgust on his face, I asked what emotion he was aware of experiencing. Emotion health means being able to notice and name the emotions we are experiencing in the moment.

“Kyle, can we slow down to a snail’s pace and notice the emotions coming up now? What are you aware of?”

He looked at me quizzically, which was my cue to help.

“Scan your body from head to toe and see what emotions you are able to recognize.” I pointed to the list of core emotions in my office to help him.

“I think it is disgust.” He said. “She does disgust me.” He said with contempt on his face.

“That’s such great noticing,” I affirmed. “What are the sensations in your body that tell you that you are disgusted?” Core emotions are in truth physical sensations that prepare our body for survival actions which we feel as impulses, like fleeing. Emotional health also entails being able to tolerate the physical sensations emotions naturally evoke.

“It’s like I want to throw up.”

“Stay with it. What does the feeling of disgust tell you that it wants to throw up and get out of you?”

“It’s like a thick black goo. And, I see her. My mother!” he said. “Get away from me!” He shouted caught up in the past memory.

Disgust is a core survival emotion that makes us want to expel something toxic to us. Kyle’s brain had rightly deemed his mother poisonous and associated it both with an image of black goo and the emotion disgust.

“Stay with the feeling of disgust. Don’t move away from it or fear it. It’s just a feeling from long ago that you can now handle. Let’s make space for it.”

Kyle focused inward breathing deeply, as we had practiced together. His breathing was audible and his inward focus intense. After about five breaths, his face softened signifying that the wave of disgust was coming to an end.

“What are you experiencing now?” I asked.

“It’s better. I feel calmer. I think I’ve been needing to release that.”

“Wow! You did great.” I said beaming with pride on Kyle’s behalf.

“But now I kind of feel sad.”

“Can you stay with the sadness to learn what it’s telling you?”

A tear ran down Kyle’s cheek. “It’s very sad that I was born to such a damaged mother.”

We nodded in unison in agreement.

Following that session, we processed other emotions stemming from his childhood including anger, fear, and sadness. Kyle’s depression continued to lift and his anxiety was replaced with more confidence and compassion both towards himself, his wife and children. Processing the disgust was pivotal in helping him more clearly define himself as a good person who was treated badly through no fault of his own.

Here’s a few general things to know about disgust:

  1. It’s a core emotion meaning it tells us something important about how our environment is affecting us. We benefit greatly when we learn to listen to core emotions, as opposed avoiding them as we are taught to do in our society.
  2. It’s one of the first emotions to have evolved probably to facilitate survival by immediately expelling something that could make us sick, like a poisonous berry or rotted meat.
  3. Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed.
  4. We naturally feel disgust in response to someone who has abused us.
  5. Validating disgust can decrease anxiety and shame from trauma.
  6. We can sense disgust physically as: revulsion, nausea, the impulse to get something out of you, like an abuser who has been internalized.
  7. Disgust has impulses that can be brought into awareness.
  8. When disgust is processed, the nervous system will reset to a calmer more regulated state.

Want to experiment with disgust?

Imagine smelling rotted meat. Notice the feeling of disgust in your body. Describe the sensations of disgust or choose from the list below that most closely describe the sensations of disgust you feel.

1. _____________________

2. _____________________

3. _____________________

QueasyPit in stomachGagging
TenseTightNauseated
DizzyA hole insideOff center
AcidyRawJittery
NumbStomach acheJelly belly

Now, so you’re not left with the feeling of disgust, imagine smelling something wonderful like fresh baked cookies or your favorite flower.

Congratulations! You have just worked with your emotions.

A+ just for trying!

References:

Fosha, D. (2000). The Transforming Power of Affect. New York: Basic Books.

Hendel, H.J. (2018). It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self. New York: Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House

Nathanson, D. (1992). Shame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self. W.W. Norton: New York

Disgust: A Natural Emotional Response to Abuse


Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, takes the complex world of emotions and makes them easy to understand for all. She is author of the award-winning self-help book, “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self” (Random House & Penguin UK, 2018). She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. Hilary’s blog on emotions and how to use them for wellbeing is read worldwide. For more FREE resources on emotions and emotional health, visit: www.hilaryjacobshendel.com

 

APA Reference
Jacobs Hendel, H. (2019). Disgust: A Natural Emotional Response to Abuse. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 15, 2019, from https://pro.psychcentral.com/disgust-a-natural-emotional-response-to-abuse/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 2 Oct 2019
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Oct 2019
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.