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The Exhausted Woman
with Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims

Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims

Ever wondered what abuse sounds like? What do abusers say to their victims to get them to acquiesce? Some of the statements listed below might even sound acceptable in certain environments, but they are not. Abusive behavior is pervasive and without awareness, it will continue.

There are seven major types of abuse.

  • Physical abuse is intimidation, isolation, restraint, aggression, and endangerment.
  • Mental abuse is gaslighting, silence, manipulation, and victimization.
  • Verbal abuse is screaming, bullying, name calling, berating, and blaming.
  • Sexual abuse is jealous rages, coercion, sexual withdraw, rape, and degrading acts.
  • Emotional abuse is intense anxiety, guilt, confusion, shame, anger, hostility, rejection, and fear.
  • Economic abuse is stealing, destroying assets, hiding resources, refusing access, falsifying records, and interfering with work environments.
  • Spiritual abuse is dichotomous thinking, prejudice, elitist beliefs, demanding submission, excommunication, and estrangement.

Here are some common abusive statements:

  • You never do what I ask.
  • If only you would … then I wouldn’t have to react badly.
  • You make me feel so angry.
  • Just do it my way and everything will be fine.
  • I only hurt you because you hurt me first.
  • I do this (abuse) because I love you.
  • This is our little secret, no one needs to know.
  • This (abuse) is for your own good.
  • I know what is best for you; your judgment is off.
  • Your family or friends can’t be trusted, you can only trust me.
  • You misheard me, I would never say that.
  • You have a bad memory; I know what really happened.
  • I’ll talk to you when you have done what I asked.
  • I’m stronger/more powerful/smarter than you.
  • I will hurt myself if you leave me.
  • It is your fault that we are in this mess, not mine.
  • If you don’t have sex with me, then I’ll have to have it with someone else.
  • You don’t deserve the things I give you.
  • I have to have sex and it’s your duty to give it to me.
  • Just do this one (sexually degrading) thing one time and then I’ll be satisfied.
  • When you start being nice to me, then I will give you a birthday gift.
  • A good wife or husband would do this for me.
  • I’m the one who feels (angry), you can’t feel that way.
  • You’re confused, I know what is right.
  • You are such a … (degrading name)
  • You should be ashamed of yourself; I’m not like that at all.
  • If you don’t do this, I’ll leave (divorce) you.
  • No one will ever love you like I do.
  • It’s not stealing when it’s family.
  • When you do …, then I’ll have sex with you.
  • You can’t manage money so I have to keep you out of the accounts.
  • I’m in control of you even at work.
  • The Bible says you have to have sex with me, so do it.
  • I have to hit you to get your attention.
  • If you don’t follow this (religious rule) then you will be kicked out.
  • I lied to protect you.
  • You have to submit to me, God said so.
  • It’s not my fault that you are hypersensitive.
  • I am an example for the whole church so you have to behave perfectly.
  • I’m perfect and you have to be as well.
  • No one could forgive you for what you have done.
  • You intentionally make-up stories about me to embarrass me.
  • You don’t hear me when I talk in a normal voice.
  • This (abuse) is a family matter; no one needs to know about it.

If you are in an abusive situation, please get help from a professional counselor. Often there are many ways out of a traumatic situation.


Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims

Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Christine Hammond is a leading mental health influencer, author, and guest speaker. As an author of the award-winning “The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook,” and more than 500 articles, Christine has more than one million people downloading her podcast “Understanding Today’s Narcissist,” and more than 400,000 views on YouTube. Her practice specializes in treating families of abuse, and trauma, with personality disorders involved which are based on her own personal experience. Her new book, Abuse Exposed: Identifying Family Secrets that Breed Dysfunction will be published in 2020. Christine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Qualified Supervisor by the State of Florida, a National Certified Counselor, Certified Family Trauma Professional, with extensive training in crisis intervention and peaceful resolution. Based in Orlando, you may connect with Christine at Grow with Christine (


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APA Reference
Hammond, C. (2020). Lies Abusers Tell Their Victims. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 4, 2020, from