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The Exhausted Woman
with Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

9 Patterns of a Dangerous Person

Have you ever been around someone and immediately felt uncomfortable? Almost as if they could see right through you? But then, within minutes, the person has disarmed you and despite the initial feeling of discomfort, you engage with them. Bit by bit they seem to know exactly what needs to be said or done to tear your wall down. So, you let them in, telling yourself that there is nothing wrong.

Dangerous people have this ability. They are talented at linking themselves to people who have money, power, or influence. This is done to further hide their treacherousness. So, when you meet them, they seem healthy and enticing, but it is a trap and one that could cost you your sanity or life. Here are nine patterns of a dangerous person.

  1. Align and Isolate. The dangerous person aligns themselves with your friends and family who are your people. Then they share with their new acquaintances a “concern” about you in an effort to “help you”. This is usually done in secret so as not to “hurt you because they are concerned about your reaction”. Instead, the dangerous person has isolated you from talking to your people and getting help from anyone but them.
  2. Encourage and Alarm. A common tool is alcohol however, any addictive substance can be substituted such as prescription drugs, video games, POT, or even spending money. When you are with the dangerous person, they encourage addictive behavior and participate in it at unhealthy levels. But if you engage in the behavior without them (even at mild levels), they declare you to be an addict that needs to be fixed.
  3. Confront and Avoid. There is no reciprocal agreement for confrontation. If the dangerous person confronts you, even if it is done improperly and mixed with abusive threats, you must receive it as their show of love to you. But if you confront them, even when done calmly, the dangerous person shuts down and is unwilling to receive any criticism. Then they accuse you of being harsh and unloving.
  4. Illuminate and Confuse. Dangerous people have a sixth sense about them. They can quickly assess a person for their vulnerabilities, strengths, and weaknesses. To gain trust, they will expose a fraction of what they see which causes you to let your guard down. Once trust is earned, the dangerous person attacks which is so confusing and inconsistent with their previous behavior. Sensing your discomfort, they often accuse you of being “too sensitive”.
  5. Calm and Angry. A dangerous person has the gift of being calm on the exterior while remaining raging mad on the interior. There are no visible signs of their anger and when confronted they deny it, but the feeling of their intensity is unmistakable. When you say, “I see that you are angry,” their natural inclination is to question your perception as they ask for external evidence. Unable to produce any, the dangerous person claims you are “overreacting”.
  6. Ease and Aggravate. For the most part, a dangerous person does everything to put you at ease. For instance, their appearance is attractive but not so attractive that they draw attention. They are just the right amount of charming without being overt. This gives you a feeling of ease. However, there is something inside of you that is unsettled. All the external evidence says that they are safe, but your instincts say something else. Unfortunately, many people override this inclination, not trusting their instincts.
  7. Protect and Harm. When a dangerous person sees that another person has caused you to cry, they are quick to jump in and console. They tend to be overly protective and make threatening remarks to you about harming the other person because they hurt you, yet they rarely directly confront the other person. But when the dangerous person is the source of your tears, they are cold and dismissive. They can cause you harm, but another person cannot.
  8. Passive and Control. Another gift of a dangerous person is the ability to know when to engage in a power struggle and when to disengage. Unlike dominant personalities who want to be in control all the time, they are willing to become submissive when it is to their advantage. This is done to further disarm you. Yet, they are still very much in control, even when being passive and can become instantly dominant when they sense they are losing power or influence.
  9. Safe and Unsafe. The techniques mentioned are done to give you the false perception of safety when in reality the dangerous person is very unsafe. The uncertainty often results in you feeling like you cannot trust yourself or worse that you are going crazy. You are not. Even when you cannot point to a specific item as concerning, just the feeling that something is not right is good enough.

While in the middle of an encounter with a dangerous person, you most likely will feel abused but you won’t have any evidence of the abuse. This is a strong indicator that you need to get away from them as soon as possible. Dangerous people cannot be “fixed” by someone else. They can only fix themselves if and when they see the hurt they cause others. But this is an extremely rare occurrence. Any change should be tested by a professional.

9 Patterns of a Dangerous Person


Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Christine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor by the State of Florida with over fifteen years of experience in counseling, teaching and ministry.

She works primarily with exhausted women and their families in conflict situations to ensure peaceful resolutions at home and in the workplace. She has blogs, articles, and newsletters designed to assist in meeting your needs.

As author of the award winning book, The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook, Christine is a guest speaker at churches, women’s organizations, and corporations.

You can connect with her at her website Grow with Christine at www.growwithchristine.com.

 


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APA Reference
Hammond, C. (2019). 9 Patterns of a Dangerous Person. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 17, 2019, from https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2019/03/9-patterns-of-a-dangerous-person/