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27 thoughts on “How Narcissists Use Money to Abuse

  • May 27, 2015 at 5:06 pm
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    I posted this comment on the “my mom the narcissist” article as well:
    For Christmas my mom gave me a box of macaroni and cheese and a small bag of sample coffee both of which were filled with dead insects.
    When I told her I was struggling to find somewhere affordable to rent, she bragged that she rented her second home to a young man she befriended.
    She gave my brother and later my husband full plates at dinner and only a tiny amount of food to me.
    She threw big flashy parties for her birthday and used me to wait on all the guests.
    She made a voodoo doll of a man that broke up with her and stuck it full of pins, then invited him over to visit where he would see it.
    She refused to let me have eyeglasses or shoes or underwear, but bought a carload of alcohol every month at the liquor store.

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  • May 28, 2015 at 11:29 pm
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    Hello, I visited my parents with my children for holidays. Without talking about it previously, my mother asked that we pay for the cost of our presence. She never did so before for me or my siblings and wasn’t in a bad financial position at this time, however she was un pleased with me I don’t remember why this time but she often is). I felt puzzled by this demand, which I complied to without receiving more explanation. I also felt rejected, and I wonder if it was actually meant (at least partly) to make me feel rejected or hurt?

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  • November 24, 2018 at 4:14 am
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    I wish I had known this when I was younger. While I was focused on developing the family business in my 20s and doing the physical work, an older family member took control of my finances. I don’t get paid, instead I get to work for room and board and it’s hard to get a new job with this work history. I was denied a personal computer for years so I could not access online banking. My bank account was even emptied of money I earned outside the family business so I had no independent income to spend without their permission. The narcissist forced me to live like a pauper and yelled at me for wanting to buy the proper equipment to do my job faster while they buy much more expensive items through the business account to use like their personal assets. The injustice makes me furious and the narcissist justifies their control by saying I am too stupid to understand money. I am trying to find my way out of this mess without going bankrupt and it is not easy.

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  • February 15, 2019 at 6:50 pm
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    Hi, I don’t know if this applies: my husband (10 year marriage) controls the bank accounts, because I am always late doing the payments. A year ago he lost his job, in June I got a promotion, he still controls the money, I was cool with it because I thought it was our patrimony. But we have a lot of debts and I lost my position this January and we are fighting because I want to see the bank and credit cards accounts, and because I want to have a say in how we are going to spend the money I had earned for the family, we have a child and he is still searching for a job. Lately the fights and any talk are very unpleasant calling me names,

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  • February 16, 2019 at 12:17 am
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    Hi. I don’t know if this apply, but my husband controls the money, his and mine, he decides when and what is going to be paid. He has the passwords of my bank accounts, he says that I don’t have the discipline to make the payments on time.
    He lost his job a year ago, and in June I got promoted, but I lost my job this January as a result we are having unpleasant arguments, he yells at me, slams doors and call me names, this has be happening for the last 5 days, he got mad because I want to see the bank and credit cards accounts and also I want to have a say about the payments and know in what we had spent all the money. He says that I am questionning his decisions and also threats to default his credit cards and also mine.

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  • March 1, 2019 at 12:48 pm
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    My husband does not allow me to work.I had a job at the company he worked at (small family owned business) a few years ago, but I was there less than a year; he negotiated my pay and had it direct deposited into his account (I am not on it, nor do I have my own). Nothing is in my name, not even my car. I do not get an allowance from him,he may or may not buy things as I need them. How on earth can someone leave a narcissist when they have no means, no other support system(not allowed friends)? Every article says “put money aside, even if it’s pennies”, but that’s absurd and unrealistic. Are there any resources available for narc victims?

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    • September 29, 2019 at 4:57 pm
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      RMC, Read Why Does He Do That book for help on how to escape and get independent financially. Good luck

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  • April 7, 2019 at 6:29 pm
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    My father found out about me filing as an independent and getting SSI income cause I’m on disability, and he’s now trying to drain money out of my account for “living expenses” (he’s already taken out $75 form my account and plans on doing it again twice of each month). As far as “gifts” are concerned, he’d put sweets in the fridge (donuts) where I put my stuff as a way to apologize or more so regain control over me. I have letters he’d write up to me, audio recordings of him and his two-faced personality, and video clips of him doing his staring (he does this for intimidation and knows he can get away with it). Even so, when I try to tell people of my situation, I pretty much get laughed at, patronized, or called “spoiled”, “lazy”, or “ungrateful” all because my narcs are parents. I’ve been trying to leave, I even called the DV Hotline and APS, and I never got the opportunity. I’m pretty much just left to rot. I don’t have enough funds to move and I don’t have the ability to be working at some job, let alone a warehouse or fast-food establishment. I can’t be out on the street and the only shelters in my area are for women and they’re very far away. Also, if I try to close my account and open up a new one, I’ll just get thrown out of house. No one would really help me, they’d think I deserved it, despite my health being at its lowest point. The only time I’ll ever be taken seriously is when I’m bed-ridden or dead.

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  • May 6, 2019 at 4:00 pm
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    My husband vanished in a manic rage 4 weeks ago leaving me ready for surgery on a spine injury preventing me from much walking [ had to cancel ] closed and took back accounts, May 7, 2019 tomorrow was a bankruptcy hearing he is missing., to stop our home from foreclosing.–finding out he did not do his TAXES for IRS FOR 10 YEARS, HAD 2 JUDGEMENTS ON HIM, I just paid off his VISA and bank loan and paid the bankruptcy attorney via a consolidation loan in “my name only” I have a two story house, packed and cannot lift anything, the isolate has prevented me from having any church or friends to help, he isolated my adult children so they never come home. I don’t know where I am going to be moving to……all I think about is being forced out of my home and on the street. I am 66 and I am not finding help or anyone to even speak to about this, I am just over limit for any assistance so…………flight, fight I AM IN FREEZE I know where he is but even giving this to IRS and bankruptcy theyare blocking his calls. Our anniversary was May 3rd……….ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS HIS COLD ABUSE, PATHOLOGICAL LYING AND THIS…………I need to speak to a real person about all of this.

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  • May 14, 2019 at 2:08 am
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    My brother hasn’t lifted a finger to do anything for himself because he claims he”s above having to be like everybody else. Living like an ordinary person, paying bills and budgeting are beneath him. He’s expected to freeload off the family for years as though he’s still entitled to be taken care of like a child. He’s just turned 40. He says he’s not going to change and continually bullies the family to get his needs met. It’s a hard situation but my parents won’t stand up to him and just go along with his demands to keep peace in the house. He had his own apartment but lost his job and won’t try to contribute anything to the household because he always cries poor. But he has enough money to go out and have a good time if he feels like it. I try to help our parents out when I can, I’m not earning a large wage but I get by. and give what I can It just feels so unfair that he’s living a pretty good life while the rest of us struggle.

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  • July 16, 2019 at 5:02 am
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    hi. my fiance and I are in business together. I do have a seperate client that pays a little. He controls the larger client accounts. After the rent is paid, he gives me a very little amount for groceries and when we run out, he accuses me of spending wrong ( when I really only buy neccessities). Im always left having to use the little i have in my account from seperate client, which is actually meant for my toiletries and my daughters needs. He kept an entire payment from one client with no clues of where it went as we paid everything with another client. He smokes weed…but the amount of money unaccounted for cannot possibly be that. He is verbaly abusive and im always afraid to question where the monies are going.

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  • July 19, 2019 at 9:03 pm
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    I have read the comments and can really really connect! When you are on a fixed disability income, it’s impossible to put pennies aside, but my health now is deteriorating pretty quick and I used to be very strong! I really cannot take his abusive words against me and my grown children and have nowhere to turn. I love my cats and don’t want to lose them! That unconditional love I get is my life line!😻😻😻

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  • October 6, 2019 at 10:25 pm
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    My grandma takes money from everyone around her, despite getting over 2,000 a month from her job and SSI benefits. She buys things she does not need, such as jewelry and new furniture, most of these purchases being payment plans so they’re debited out of her account every month. So by the time her paychecks are deposited, she has no money left to pay the bills. From my grandfather she constantly requests money. He says he gives her 500 here, 500 there. She is usually behind several months on the electricity bill. If you do not give her money immediately when she demands it, she guilt trips you, or rages, or insults you. I do live with her but I’m trying to get back on my feet and I do pay her about $200 a month if not more. She is trying to take my entire paycheck this coming week despite me having no money for gas, food, or essentials left over after she misspent the money I gave her last month for bills and is now two more months behind on the electric bill. Also, she never buys food, or anything else. She just gets enough to survive. Despite how much money she gets a month, she cannot keep up with any basics of living. Her financial irresponsibility and strengths in living like a moocher am moving out as soon as possible. She is a Narcissist so her behavior does not surprise me, as she does have the ability to make me feel guilty for not paying her when she demands it. I wanted to wait two weeks later to give her money, as I’m going on a trip I’ve planned for months and do not have a large budget, but she must have it now now now!!!!!!!! As she just bought new chairs today I believe I’m not going to pay her until convenient for me, not her.

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  • October 14, 2019 at 4:42 pm
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    Thank you~~ I didn’t realise that my narc ex husband ticked so many boxes in financial abuse…

    I paid 80% of our million dollar house deposit which was solely in HIS name and also spent over $100k on all the furniture he wanted and trips for his family, and yet that was not enough and he STILL wanted to force me to sell my other investment property and take all that money too!!!!! also he wanted me to hand over 80% of my paycheck every month…. not to mention HE HAD A MISTRESS ON THE SIDE AND HAD BEEN PLANNING FROM DAY ONE TO DIVORCE ME AND SELL THE HOUSE AND TAKE THAT TOO and be with her …

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