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10 thoughts on “Top 10 Holiday Defense Mechanisms

  • November 23, 2016 at 10:33 am
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    Avoidance is the best policy I find with a horrible family. The best thing to do on holidays is go on a vacation far far from family of origin. If that is not possible because of time or money 2nd best is the movies – all day long. Trying year after year to cope with lunatics is for professionals, not for those trying to live a happy life.

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  • November 23, 2016 at 10:36 am
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    Are there titles or headings missing at some of the numbered points?

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  • November 23, 2016 at 10:52 am
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    Good article.
    It’s been a lot easier for me during the holidays, especially these last 8 years. I moved 25 miles away from my hometown and my brother. My dad died in 1999 and my mother in 2003. That Christmas was the last time I saw my niece and nephew. Mom and my brother basically brought them up. None of my friends worry much about the holidays. I’m sure Thanksgiving is most important and thanks can be given in silence during the day.

    Regression: I’m not sure I had any problem with that. But my parents tended to treat me more like a child once I came home to go to grad school after having a professional job for 7 years. Down there, my parents needed me to get around so I was treated more like an equal. But once I came home, I was expected to help out at home. I ended up helping with supper because if I didn’t, supper would be very late and I needed supper to unwind from school so I could study afterward.

    Also, your mention of disassociation was interesting. I didn’t realize until 2004 that I had that rather strange disorder. I will admit that “When the going gets tough” Nancy might go ‘bye-bye’, depending on the situation. I sure have a lot of gaps in my memory. I rely on my brother, with his amazing memory, and photos to fill in some gaps.

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  • November 23, 2016 at 12:38 pm
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    Ouch. You are making it sound like the holidays are somehow so horrible! How’s about some healthy reactions in addition to the bad stuff? I mean, honestly, I think that if a person is so hostile (oh well, I guess some folks do have unbearable relatives) that they can’t stand spending holidays with relatives, cutting it short is a healthy option. Actually, why go at all? If it’s all that much stress for you, why not simply stay home and Netflix? I’ve been wondering about it for the longest – why do people go to events they do not enjoy…

    Anyhow, I think much of what you describe are actually the healthy ways to go about things. If your nephew’s political views upset you – don’t listen to them. If somebody is being obnoxious and demands something unreasonable, especially if they are a known nag – just back-pedal it, forget or something. If you’re easily bored, bring games and things to do. Cards against Humanity must be coming up with new expansion packs! If you’re tired of the current company, step out, go somewhere! Big whoop.

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  • November 23, 2016 at 11:14 pm
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    I think avoidance is best for many of us. When I was a kid, Thanksgiving didn’t seem to have so much emphasis on family gatherings but was more about why we celebrate it. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed to be a day to make turkey for dinner then relax because everyone had a day off work and school thanks to the pilgrims and Squanto. I guess this would fall under the label of Idealization. Ha ha.

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