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34 thoughts on “Is My Child A Narcissist?

  • July 18, 2017 at 12:33 pm
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    i have a narcistic ex husband and a narcisitc daugther its exhausting

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  • August 4, 2017 at 10:00 pm
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    My son is only 6 years old. He has diagnosed high functioning autism and generalised anxiety disorder with ADHD traits. I’m a solo mother and I work 50hours a week to provide a financially stable life for us. I find this information extremely helpful and appreciate that you have brought this issue to light. I have catered our entire life to accomodating the needs of my son based on the diagnoses we have been provided. I regret to admit that due to his lack of empathy and the way I have consistently catered to him, he has become reliant, manipulative and displays very much the behaviours you have explained that characterise Narcicism. I’m very much an exhausted mother trying to do my best. Do you have any further reading that you would recommend for someone like myself? Thanks, Sonia

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    • August 5, 2017 at 1:04 am
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      Yes, read more articles on narcissistic children. Unfortunately, there aren’t any books on the subject that I would recommend. You can minimize the traits through good parenting.

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      • July 10, 2018 at 2:30 pm
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        Good stuff here, thank you! Do you still feel there aren’t any good books on the subject and if so, would you have any other articles you could recommend?

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  • October 17, 2017 at 3:55 pm
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    I am in a very bad situation. I divorced my narc 5 years ago. We were together for 20 years. We have two children together, one is 22 and she doesn’t speak to him and one who is 14 and is exactly like him. She is the golden child, always was. Things have been rough for the past five years since I left. Now, my 14 year old is choosing to cool off at Dad’s because we had an altercation. Everyone keeps telling me just let her be and she will change her mind. It’s been three weeks and she’s not budging. She calls me often and says she misses me but still likes to be at Dad’s because, unfortunately they are feeding off each other. He doesn’t parent the correct way, telling her to do the right thing and talk things over with me. He just feeds her with “you do what makes you happy” type of stuff…He wants me to hurt like he says he hurts over our oldest not speaking to him. I am in so much pain right now. All the therapy and teaching he the right way so that she doesn’t end of completely like him was a waste of time….I just don’t see the light!!!!! HELP!

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    • October 17, 2017 at 4:30 pm
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      Don’t give up. It is normal for a teenager to “try on” the personalities of their parents. Give her time and unconditionl love and she will return.

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  • October 29, 2017 at 3:16 am
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    Empathy IS a key.. Unconditional love leaves you open to more abuse.. Telling kids their behaving like a particular narcissist that you’ve pointed out to him/her., Is abuse/abusive, “Especially” when said with a proud smirk of narcissism.. Listening.. Really Listening to him/her is another key to understanding who they are and what their living with in their lives, within their fragile minds.. We’re all Fragile, sometimes we need to be harsh. With Empathy for him/her and Yourself.. Explain your reasons for your harshness.. Letting go of the apron strings when they’re at the age of finding Themselves, who “they” are as the individuals we all Should be, and will be if willing to Empathize with them as Individuals with their own hopes and dreams.., They’ll thrive, they’ll never be a waste of your time or energy, IF they are loved they Will know they are Loved and they will willingly share their love with those they know Love for them is genuine not selfish.

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  • January 2, 2018 at 9:47 pm
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    If a child is displaying NPD characteristics, the first place to look is at their parents/caregiver. Often the parent(s) have NPD themselves and instead of acknowledging their own shortcomings they project the problem onto their child(ren), leaving it to the child to fix the issues instead of addressing their own mental illness first and foremost. Children cannot have/be diagnosed with a personality disorder as their personalities are not fully developed. If you are reading this article because you want to portray your child as a narcissist, take a good look in the mirror and you will see the source of the problem. Seek help from a qualified metal health professional.

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    • September 28, 2019 at 12:14 pm
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      My child is now an adult and I do know I did wrong by not reigning him in earlier in life. I never saw myself as Narcissistic but according to you I am. I take the blame for everything that has happened in my entire family and was blamed for everything. Every time my older brother got into trouble some how it was my fault. When he and his friends were grabbing our 11 year old sisters developing breasts and when he had my sisters and young boy cousin suck his penis that was my fault because I TOLD. You know what else I got??? When she was drunk ( the only time I ever saw her that way) she told me she never wanted me!!! What a thing to tell a 10 year old girl.. I did make the mistake of telling my mother of each time I was molested. By my biological father, by my doctor, but you know what I got in return? “Jesus Christ Donna you think everyone want’s you” . So please don’t tell me to look in the mirror… And telling my son he was acting Just like his Abusive Narc father did not help. He has become his father only worse! He has several children by several women and his behavior has escalated with each woman, he is looking at 10 years in prison for this last one. So this Mother is freaking and I want to SAVE him but I know better because I watched my Mom and brother do this dance All our lives… Ahh to vent felt so good!!

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  • July 22, 2018 at 9:53 pm
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    What if your stepchild is showing these signs? Her mother is extremely narcissistic and does not see the abuse. My husband and I are both very loving and we show her unconditional love, but correcting the lack of empathy, kindness, overall manners and patience at 15 is very difficult. My daughters have a narc father, but fortunately spent most of their time with me.
    Any pointers will be helpful. I’ve been in her life for 2 years now and married to her father 4 months.
    Thank you
    Stressed momma

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  • September 9, 2018 at 9:30 pm
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    Ms Hammond,

    Did you really recommend this statement in your blog:

    “Then shift to saying, “You are acting like (fill in with the name of the narcissist) when you do…” These two steps will teach by example.”

    I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and I am trying to figure out how this shaming example would be helpful?

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    • September 10, 2018 at 8:17 am
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      It’s not shaming, it’s awareness. Helping a potentially narcissistic teen to see that their behavior is similar to a behavior they have already identified as poor is helpful.

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      • October 2, 2019 at 3:41 pm
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        I think this tactic would be hard to pull off compassionately. My husband has said to me “you are acting like your mother” and it really sets me off- I am not about to change anything when he approaches me like that. I can’t imagine saying that to my children, though they are not teenagers. Yesterday my 8 year old was being very sarcastic with me in a hurtful way and I told her that her sarcastic tone hurt my feelings and made me feel like she was trying to hurt me. She got it. I didn’t need to tell her that she was acting like her grandmother, because that would just make her feel terrible. Even if I said it without any anger in my voice.

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  • November 1, 2018 at 6:33 pm
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    My daughter had a child by a man who convinced her that despite the fact that their four-month relationship, they could handle having a child and raising it together. I was opposed to the whole relationship because I felt that this guy was manipulating my daughter.
    Long story short, for the entire pregnancy, he was in charge of where they lived and what they did. Six months into the pregnancy, I went to visit them and it was basically a disaster. My daughter was unhappy and felt trapped but she was in her final semester to finish her undergraduate degree at the age of 26.
    She ended up leaving him when the baby was 10 months old. And since then her life has been difficult to say the least. She is a prisoner in the state of Montana because the court classifies the guy as an active father, even though he often doesn’t pay child support and lies about his income.

    The little boy is 3 years old and has emotional and behavioral issues. He manipulates his mother, hits her, screams at her and has major temper tantrums. My daughter is exhausted and ready to give her child to his father and his new wife. I have suggested my daughter find a child therapist for her son’s health as well as her own. The father never wanted my daughter-he just wanted a kid.
    It is just an brutal mess as we live and work in upstate New York.

    How can I help my daughter and grandson?

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  • November 9, 2018 at 12:51 pm
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    Thank you so much for providing this information in a clear and matter of fact way. Recently, my husband and I have come to understand that our second oldest child (17) may be on the NPD spectrum. This realization has been both terrifying and liberating. By researching behavioral traits and appropriate responses vs reactions, we have been able to establish boundaries and connect together as a couple to co-parent more effectively. We have witnessed on many occasions defiant personality and manipulations, playing victim when caught, placing blame instead of accepting responsibility, creating drama by spinning truths/lying, threatening self harm/suicide, temper tantrums, and attention seeking behavior such as coming out as an atheist, pan sexual, bi sexual and even going so far as contacting a social worker to complain and “report” how abused she is in our household. This has opened a dialogue in which we now have a platform to seek therapy, helped her to understand that these behaviors will not be tolerated, and started talking to our other children about why it is wrong to manipulate and lie to get what they want.
    This journey in parenting has been absolutely heartbreaking. To see a child that is so loved, so bright and so beautiful behave in such an ugly manner is unbearable. At first, we didn’t want to believe it. We made excuses about her stress levels at school, or just going thru a phase, hormones and teenage angst, but now we see there is clearly something very wrong. Absolute lack of concern for her siblings, parents, friends and family has been displayed in ways I can’t even comprehend. Watching a 17 year old plug her ears and rock back and forth, fake fainting, and throw angry screaming bouts of emotional outbursts were and still are fairly common occurrences. Our faith based parenting has been tested at every turn and our goal is to remain steadfast, that we are caring and compassionate, but firm and unwavering.
    We have 7 months until she turns 18. Hopefully, she will be off to college and have a firm grasp on who she really is. I continue to pray for her fervently, while doing my absolute best to keep a loving eye on my younger two. I only wish there was a support group for parents in this community to find a respite for peace and comfort in knowing there are others experiencing the same feelings, situations, heartache, fear and shame. It is truly terrible to tell others of the negativity our child is capable of, but we have chosen to come forth in honesty for the higher good of our daughter and others.
    Again, thank you for creating this site, and for all of the information presented. It is extremely helpful and I’ve noted the guidelines for appropriate responses to reflect upon in times of crisis. Your work is very much appreciated!

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    • November 13, 2018 at 8:42 pm
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      Omg….. you have basically outlined my life with my 9 year old daughter. It’s exhausting in every way. It’s stressful for other children in the home as well as myself. I’m at the end of my rope with the lies, the drama, the inappropriate behavior, the disrespect & complete disregard for anyone else.

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      • June 7, 2019 at 1:08 am
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        This sounds exactly like my 13 yo daughter. I have been told she is just a teen and hormonal but she has hit and kicked me, lied, stolen, broken property – three her laptop and hit me in my head last year. She plugs her ears, runs away, cries abuse because I have rules. I am a single mom and have two younger kids to protect. She has chased them through my house when home alone with a kitchen knife. I am scared of my daughter. I have no help!! Really – I have tried to therapy and she manipulated some providers and others can see right through her. My ex husband is a textbook covert narcissist – very abusive toward me and she is his golden child. I hate the example he sets and he supports her behavior. Any advice on how to survive this would be appreciated.

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    • January 21, 2019 at 3:28 pm
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      Most everything you have described has been going on with my daughter that is now 23, it’s not an easy road to hoe. She went to counseling in her pre adult years but now that’s out of my guidance.. The heartbreaking events that continue to take place I wished it was something I could help her with.. I can’t, still searching for answers.. God has and will continue to be my rock until she’s healed or somehow stableiezd to where we can live in peace and harmony. Of course I love my child but having some type of sanity amongst our comings and goings would be a ray of sunshine..

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  • January 13, 2020 at 7:04 pm
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    Just FYI some of the behaviours some of the parents site above sound more like aspd (antisocial personality disorder) than narcissism.

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