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79 thoughts on “How A Narcissist Verbally Abuses

  • June 17, 2015 at 10:50 am
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    This is my ex-husband to a fault! My my my! I felt like the writer sat in my house back in the day!
    He used to blame me for things he did before he before he met me!
    I was at fault for those things, too!

    When he had a wreck and I was sitting in the car, I jinxed him [so that was the reason for the wreck and the beating afterwards].

    If he lost a job, it was my fault [even though I was home at the time].

    When I had 2 stillborns, those were my fault too [even though he sat on my stomach and beat me].

    When I finally snuck out of there and got a secret divorce, he tried to get me to come back. He would come to my church and threaten me after service.
    The pastor in counseling finally told him that he could not BULLY me into getting back with him. He made up a bunch of reasons why he had to do it that way, and they repeated it ‘You cannot get her back by BULLYING] her.

    11 years of that mess. The divorce was final back in 1995, He did not disappear from my life until recently [driving up and down my street, in my back yard, at my church and job]. He moved [finally]

    I still am emotionally scarred by the insanity. I am a little better, but scared and scarred.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 10:59 am
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    As described ‘Many times the verbal assault will be so rapid that the victim does not have the time or energy to fight point by point.’ Exactly that- and then, when you’re stronger and try to talk about it, you get the response “I don’t remember that conversation, why didn’t you say so then? If that’s true just say so at the time,” and this can happen just 1 day later- basically ensuring, in his mind, that I cannot stand up for myself at any point. I’ve also been told I’m too sensitive if I have an emotional reaction at any point, which has slowly schooled me not to react and instead internalise the experience, which I’ve slowly come to see has had a knock on effect on the rest of my life.

    Dealing with this really does make me feel like I’m going crazy sometimes! So reading articles like this can be a reminder that no, I’m not. It’s also nice to see the behaviour outlined as abuse. It can be done in such a way that you can find yourself questioning whether it is or not- that germ of truth that was mentioned, that sways you and makes you doubt things. Where volume is concerned, occasionally the silence, but more often a completely cold voice is used.

    Anyway, thank you for these articles about narcissism, they’ve been a great help in understanding it.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 11:30 am
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    Even after couples therapy, my wife still will engage in verbal abuse/lying/manipulation. I have severe untreatable bipolar illness and unable to work, so I’m trying to hold onto my bit of sanity while dealing with her irrational behavior.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 12:49 pm
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    Thank you, Christine, for an insightful and powerful article on both Narcissism and Verbal Abuse. It scared the heck out of me, and certainly scared me enough to make me think introspectively insofar as how I talk with others. While I am not a therapist, and I certainly do not speak to people in the narcissistic way you outlined, God has blessed me with “something” that people come to seek my counsel for an array of issues, i.e., financial, medical, retirement, familial, education stuff, etc. Your article opened my eyes to being even more sensitive to both how I speak and also how others may infer what I say or how I say it.

    While I can believe narcissism is or can be a clinical diagnosis and must be treated professionally, is there a more casual or mild form of narcissism that is simply about people NOT being aware of what they are doing? And by being enlightened and if they want to change, can a narcissist change?

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    • June 17, 2015 at 3:01 pm
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      Yes, we call that having narcissistic traits. They are not full-blown narcissists, rather narcissistic light.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 1:41 pm
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    My narcissistic ex husband did all this and another tactic you didn’t mention. When he was stuck in a corner where he knew his behavior could be easily identified as not ok he would switch gears and make things my fault (like you and others have said, EVERYTHING was always my fault!) by claiming he was weak and my support could make him change. This was a big one when it came to his porn addiction. He would “confess” having called another sex phone line and then cry and moan about his struggles. When we split up he directly blamed me for his addiction but while we were together he realized he could only do what he wanted by making such a big show of his need for support. I think he chose this because I would say I didn’t care if he called the phone sex as long as he had the money to pay for it (he didn’t, our phone would get turned off from the high cost of late bills). He wanted to hurt me and when he didn’t see me hurt by his actions he had to find another way to make me responsible for them.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 2:56 pm
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    You have described my situation exactly, and it was a real eye opener. The problem is, that I am the abuser and my wife is suffering the consequences. She described her feelings exactly as you wrote, but I always felt like she was being too sensitive. I don’t like the fact that I am this way and don’t want it to cause any more damage than it already has. What can I do to change? You have exposed a major blind spot/personality flaw to me. Thanks in advance.

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    • June 17, 2015 at 3:02 pm
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      Get some professional help. Print out this article and give it to a licensed counselor. They will know what to do from there.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 3:12 pm
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    For me, there’s a constant shift, which has made it hard to identify. The narcissist says he loves me; I’m so beautiful, sexy, fun, then throws in the insults and negative speak. It can be day to day, or minute to minute. The manipulation is the constant alternating. It’s obviously intended to disarm me so that the insults and abuse are ‘unexpected’. I used to think, “how could he say and do such mean things, when he says he loves me so much?” THAT is the method to his success. Crazy. Really, I used to believe that I was going crazy. He got gratification from that too. My healing and strength come from not believing what he says. Not letting the good things affect me, and not letting the bad things affect me. It’s not always easy, but by choosing not to participate helps me to stay in reality, not in “his world”. I know, for me, if it were ALL bad, I would have left the relationship a long time ago.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 3:16 pm
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    Excellent short.
    Verbal abuse is powerful and may be more damaging to the psyche than physical abuse. At least with physical, one may fight back, but with verbal abuse, there is no fighting back unless the perpetrator realizes and does not want the consequences of his or her actions. The trauma of verbal abuse can be far-reaching as well.
    Society in general does not recognize verbal abuse as being damaging. To leave a relationship because of it is not seen as important. People will say things like, “Did you provoke?” “Are you sure that’s what X meant?” “You’re just being sensitive” and “at least X didn’t smack you around- what hurt can words do?”
    Women can be verbally abusive and get away with it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes; experienced it myself.
    Upshot- verbal abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. Even if that means risking a relationship with a partner, parent, child or friend.

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    • June 18, 2015 at 4:34 am
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      That is so very true, it’s so hard to explain to people, and when you do people often reinforce the narcissists behaviour without realising they are doing so. As you say, they look for ways to justify what the narcissist did, and can make the experience all the more isolating, since the narcissist wants you to be to blame for everything in the first place, and others downplaying it is exactly what they want.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 3:35 pm
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    I’m starting to think that the term “Narcissist” is getting thrown about too much these days. While I agree that verbal abuse is corrosive to a relationship, I’m just starting to wonder if these words aren’t being overused. The reality is, “normal” people can say terrible things to one another and it does not necessarily make them a narcissist. It makes them a person who has said a terrible thing. I just think when words like these are overused their meaning tends to get watered down.

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    • June 24, 2015 at 4:18 pm
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      No, “normal” people do not say things like that. They don’t have to have a NPD but then they are mean, rude, vengeful, immature etc., NOT “normal”. Normal” people do control what they say, don’t say things they don’t mean and hardly ever say hurtful things. Doesn’t even come close to how people with NPD behave.

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      • July 9, 2015 at 3:40 pm
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        Another classic definition of the narcissist…….

        They display and have “infantile” emotions…….
        I have navigated my way thru identifying my husbands behavior…with God’s help…..
        I am barely 2 yrs into this marriage and I sense it will come to an end quickly here….
        The saving grace in it for me was that I am applying for permanent residency in Canada and live just across the border in the USA and could visit him about once a month so it took a bit of discernment and seeking out information…..but all the classic signs I have experienced…I thought it was me and that I must be going crazy! Praise the Lord for his help in guiding me to freedom from abuse.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 3:53 pm
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    Wow, the description just nailed my father. I have never seen a better profile.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 5:08 pm
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    Thank you very much for this enlightening insight. It is due to these amazing articles I now have clarity in my life. I have been married to a narcissist for 19 years and finally understand what all the madness was about. I have now removed him from our home and have started divorce proceedings, for years I have wondered what was wrong with him.
    I am horrified that I have been the victim of verbal abuse and gas lighting for so long. In retrospect I now consider myself to be an amazingly strong woman to have survived this and can honestly say I am very proud of myself for getting rid of him. It took articles like this to clear all the confusion. Once I realised he ticked every box of the narcisstic personality I asked for a divorce, I relinquished co dependency once I had identified my own reactions. I actually feel giddy with relief. I no longer have any feelings for him at all, they simply vanished as the curtains were lifted. I continue to read these articles and as my understanding grows, I feel myself detach further away.
    Now when he screams or rages in my presence I no longer feel ill or panicked. I simply watch on knowingly refusing to interact and he can see it no longer has an affect.
    Last week when he ranted and raved about how bad a mother I am, something he has been doing for a long time, which actually brought me to breaking point only last year, I laughed. I have 5 children who are my complete life, I had received a parenting award the same day as his rant, he never knew this, so I laughed and refused to tell him why.
    He knows his spell is broken, I do feel a little apprehensive as to how he will react to this now that his bullying intimation and abuse no longer works on me

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  • June 17, 2015 at 5:24 pm
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    This article is incredibly “narcissistic”. It does not explain what a Narcissist is, but says what “he” does. This is creating a scape goat, calling it a name (narcissist) and loading all of the blame for the described behavior on it. In real life lots of people behave like this though most of them are not narcissists. Christine seems very opinionated and prejudiced against a made-up kind of character. I would like to know what spauned that kind of thought (i.e. feeling) process.

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    • June 18, 2015 at 5:13 am
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      Nobert, if you look around the site there are many articles about narcissism and others describe what it is. The title of this article should, perhaps, have alerted you to that this one focuses on one particular aspect. Furthermore, it’s not a “made up kind of character,” it is an officially recognised personality disorder, there are many other resources that collaborate it, which you may have found with a minutes research before writing your comment. I also notice you attatched import to the use of “he,” this is a flaw of the english language, but it doesn’t even appear in this article. It seems you reacted strongly to this article, perhaps you should look at why that is.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 6:13 pm
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    Forgive my ignorance, but it seems your description of what a narcissist does describes reactions exhibited in most people at some time or another. My question is, “Who isn’t a narcissist?”

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    • June 17, 2015 at 6:16 pm
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      “So sorry to hear your story, thank you for sharing.”, Christine Hammond 3:01 pm on June 17th, 2015. That is an automated reply. Isn’t that what a narcissist would do?

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      • June 18, 2015 at 4:53 am
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        Ed Smith, look at all of the other responses and time stamps around that time frame. Of course they are not automated, and she responds to the particularities of each comment. I’m not sure why you would write such a thing, perhaps something in the article hit a nerve and you felt the need to attack the author.

        Your original comment “it seems your description of what a narcissist does describes reactions exhibited in most people at some time or another” is quite concerning, it lends to the issue of normalising abuse. I believe the article is meant to be taken as a whole, it’s not saying somebody that exhibits one or two of the things listed on rare occasions is a narcissist. Reading it like that is like reading an nhs articles symptoms of strep throat and saying “but lots of people get sore throats at one time or another, who doesn’t have strep throat?” We’ve all encountered people who shout occasionally or project blame for their mistakes (unfortunately) but this kind of behaviour as a whole is completely different.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 7:39 pm
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    The flip side to this jeremiad is the person who won’t take responsibility for her own behavior. Even narcissists need willing accomplices, and rather than name-calling and finger-pointing this article could usefully detail calm, cool, and collected ways to disarm abusive conversationalists.

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  • June 17, 2015 at 10:42 pm
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    The problem is that many, many therapists do not recognize narcissistic behavior! That leaves the victim feeling even worse, esp. if it’s couple counseling. Worse still, most divorce attorneys, judges, PCs and GALs NEVER recognize this behavior – in fact, most haven’t even heard of it. That leaves everyone in power in a divorce pointing their finger at the victim, while the NPD slyly looks on from the side, winning custody (and sympathy!) from the courts. It’s a horrendous downward spiral for the victim, and when she begins to show the signs of stress and depression from this situation, everyone again points the finger at her and says “See?! She IS crazy afterall!” I suffered through years of PTSD from this harrowing mental abuse cycle from the courts and my ex, and have only recently got myself back on track with lots and lots of therapy and DBT groups. Alas I am broke too, as the Judge constantly sided with my ex because he made himself look so sympathetic to the courts, and me the crazy one. So, HOW DO WE GET THE WORD OUT TO ALL THERAPISTS, ATTORNEYS AND COURT OFFICIALS? This is the only way to change things and save lives. But I don’t know how…

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  • June 18, 2015 at 6:29 am
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    People who are critical in their comments have obviously never known a narcissist (be very grateful!) This one “narcissists need willing accomplices” is the most naive of them all. I watched a documentary of women in prisons for killing their partners and one said that she was more free in prison than she was with him. This sentence in the article explains it: “This condemning tactic leaves the victim feeling inferior and defeated”. They get to a point where they can’t “see” that there is a way out anymore. The concept becomes foreign and if you haven’t been there, you won’t be able to understand what I mean.
    I was in a relationship like this myself and went from being a vibrant, confident young woman into a cowering mess without him ever laying a hand on me. Many times I told him if I were that bad, he shouldn’t punish himself by staying with me. It was my house but he wouldn’t leave… and this is where a person can actually get the idea that the only way to get rid of him is to kill him.
    When he lost his job and couldn’t find another for many months and I had a stranger suddenly wanting my company but by that time our relationship was downright toxic. An offer came from another continent and he left.
    I will never be that person I was but I was only able to get myself back because he was no longer around.

    A question if I may? Can narcissists ever change or will that “demon” remain forever?

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  • June 18, 2015 at 10:37 am
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    I for one want to thank you Christine. I was married to a man for 20 years. The last 15+ years he was narcissistic. (maybe he was before, but I was unaware) It has done a lot of physiological damage to myself as well as our two daughters. Once I became strong enough to get out, I can’t describe the freedom I felt! I don’t know if he will ever change, but it’s nice to know that is a possibility, should the patient want help. Great article and helped me a lot!!

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  • June 18, 2015 at 8:37 pm
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    Just got rid of a husband who was on drugs and going to sleeping with prostitutes narcissistic behavior.

    He left the relationship after empting the accounts and spending it on the above came back penniless.
    When I helped him to get back on his feet he went back to the same behavior so this time I just did not let him back.
    Good riddance to bad rubbish Ivan Jacobs be careful of him he is very charming and successful .

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  • June 19, 2015 at 3:01 pm
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    Last year a single man bought the house next door.
    At first everything seemed nice.
    We had so much in common it seemed as though the fates had smiled on us.
    I was upfront and direct about my health, significant neurological issues in the process of trying to find a diagnosis, from the beginning.
    There were little hints of trouble early on. Looking back, I think the first sign was him making the little comment “you just need to exercise.” I called him out the instant he said it. I didn’t ask him what he meant, didn’t cry, “Oh how could you say that” (which I justifiably could have, being that I could barely walk at the time, and was suffering from intense pain, and other problems.) I just said, “Don’t you EVER say anything like that to me again, period. You have no idea what I’m going through, and your attitude and comments are not helpful.”
    He backed off quickly.
    Within a month his pathetic attempts at gas-lighting me, temper tantrums, and the like, made me realize he had a pathological personality, and I ended it after a particularly revealing rant.
    He claimed he was bipolar, and because I have lot’s of bipolar friends, both on meds and off, I thought what he had, was something I was familiar with in the context of bipolar disorder.
    It took 6 or more months and lots of privacy fencing to calm my mind.
    In the process of dealing with the experience, I came across the NPD diagnosis, and realized the neighbor probably isn’t bipolar, and I also realized I grew up in a family with several NPD sufferers, and is probably why I said, “OH, HELL NO” when the neighbor continued with the nasty little mean comments, the demanding expectations, the accusations of “you always” (I’m like, dude, I barely just met you, where does “always” fit into a three-week time period?)
    The stories I’ve read about people caught in these relationships are heart-wrenching. My mother lasted 10 years under my NPD father’s thumb, before divorcing him, and getting involved with another NPD person, before breaking out into her own version of NPD. I had an aunt and two cousins who were also NPD, and I hate to say it, but I think my daughter is too.
    I also think I have a version of NPD light, guilt by association? I am working toward being more aware of what I say, and how it can make others feel.

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    • June 19, 2015 at 3:13 pm
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      The best way to counteract NPD is for others to be aware of what they say. Then the narcissistic behavior becomes more apparent.

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  • June 20, 2015 at 1:23 am
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    I have been in a relationship for 5 years, although it’s over now, with a man with many narcisstic traits or tendencies. He broke up with me every 4 to 4 months for various reasions, one of them being my finances, an area of his life where he is very strong and responsible, so he could really lord that over me. After attempting a few couples counseling appointments recently, he put me down at length again for my finances to the point I was bawling in the truck and asking him what he was doing with me. I didn’t really believe I was so awful a person that he shouldn’t be with me. I was hoping the question would bring to his mind all the things about me he says he loves (when he’s working hard to get me back in his life or has just succeeded in getting me back in his life and is so happy about it, i.e. honeymoon phase). The past 5 years has been a cycle of being crazy about me, then getting anxious for whatever reason, putting me down and breaking up with me, then weeks or a few months later it starts over again. I finally have come to the end of my rope. I do love him and we have had a great friendship factor in our relatioship and great passion, but it never lasts. He inevitably becomes another person. I have likened it to having two minds and his two minds can’t co-exist. Either he is loving and affectionate, grateful to have me back, having so much fun with me and even being generous, or he’s putting me down. He’s manipulative and controlling in a subtle yet very real way. How can he be told that he’s narcisstic and a mental/emotional abuser?

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    • June 20, 2015 at 3:31 pm
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      Confrontation is best done with the help of a professional. Every situation is different and you will need good counsel before confronting.

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  • June 20, 2015 at 9:34 pm
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    My husband did as you described but the abuse only began 15 years after marriage (19 years we were together at the time. It happened when he became attracted to another woman. I was sick with lupus type illness and was often in bed and had no energy.I put up with the abuse for 10 years. He painted me as a bad mother, bad friend, wife etc and had the kids convinced that I was horrible and there was no reason for my illness despite all the abnormal blood work, low hemogloblin, damaged joints and even hospitalizations. I felt alone and trapped. My teenage and adult children echoed his behaviour to get what they wanted (ex getting out of helping around the house). Eventually I knew that the kids would one day understand that he was manipulating them too. I had a feeling he was treating me poorly to try to justify divorcing me for his GF. The kids were so blind that when they finally found out that he was having an affair they were devastated. After I filed for separation (we were still living in the same house) the abuse suddenly halted and he wanted to stay together. Why did the abuse stop so suddenly? Once my kids eyes were opened they immediately stopped their destructive behaviour. Why? What is your take on the situation. I still have many episodes of illness but there are periods of good health with energy in between and I am happier. The marriage is only a shadow of what it once was and I am with him only because it would stress me out too much to go through the process of leaving him. I love him but am no longer in love with him but would worry and feel guilt if I left.

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    • June 21, 2015 at 2:24 pm
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      In general, narcissists do not want to be alone. Don’t misunderstand, they don’t want to be truely intimate with someone rather they like the appearance of being with someone.

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  • June 21, 2015 at 4:07 pm
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    I have known several people like this. I’ve always wondered if they really think they are infallible and superior to everyone else or is it all just an act to compensate for some hidden insecurity.

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  • June 21, 2015 at 11:27 pm
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    the narccisist in my life has a very unique but what do i know maybe not so unique feature, his mother is basically his assisant who co facilitates fans the flames of, this abuse of his, even when he does it towards the children. he strikes without mercy causing upheaval then he runs to her and she shields him from the big bad crying sobbing me who is “the cause of duress n her house as he is screaming obscenities at me on the phone not even pausing to breath and there is her in the back ground just hang up on her, she is causing us all this drama. when i am just sitting there sobbing as he berates me in horrific ways, she doesnt think he is doing anything wrong that I am the cause of him going through this “trauma” when he was looking up porn on my daughters computer his mom and him came out of the room once with looks of guilt on their face like they were caught doing something, she had helped him hide the fact that he looked at porn so i wouldnt find out. narcisim is bad enough but a narcisist with more than enabling, but full on support and back up is entirely something else…. when a woman helps a man make you feel worthless and inferior it hits that much harder and works that much faster and heals that much slower. SHAME ON HER.

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  • June 22, 2015 at 4:56 pm
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    This article is so correct. Sad to say, this fits my son and his new wife. We knew he was being controlled by her and it didn’t take long for him to totally take us out of his life. He has brought back things that happened 20 years in his life growing up, but always forgets to blame himself for many of the things that happened that he caused. He is a decent guy and I will always love him, but he has hurt me deeply. He wants to make everything on his terms, his way, and he isn’t ready to come back to our family. It is such a long story that there isn’t room for it on this page. I have been talking to him and want nothing more than a relationship, but without his father in the picture (who is the victim) I cannot nor will I be the only one to be a part of it. He and his wife are expecting a child and I know that we will never know or have the relationship with it that I know (and he knows) that I would have loved to have. I do not know where to turn, I have had counseling, but am not currently doing any. He is a recovering alcoholic and she is as well. He has been sober for 12 years, which I am grateful. She has shown that she wants him to herself and she has him, and there is nothing I can do.

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    • June 22, 2015 at 7:58 pm
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      Accepting what you can and cannot do is hard but it sounds like you have a good handle on it. Stay strong and keep hoping that one day things will change.

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  • June 25, 2015 at 11:08 am
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    I was raised by a narcissist mother who treated me as a mentally ill person. These problems happen to me after seeing people having sex during the day, after few days a relative come and touched my private parts then everyone started pushing me out. even teachers would make bad comments about me. No one wanted to be my friend in my home village. I had to work hard for everything I have now that is I survive with a job and I have a Degree. A lot of problems happen when I wanted to have a relationship because sex was so painful and a nightmare. I have 2 children which I gave birth by C-Section. The most evil thing that I hate about my mother is that she would recommend using witch doctors to rectify my problems which made me valnerable. She never Advices on anything instead she would talk about how people are using witchcraft to be rich eventough she uses it and very poor. She depends on us her children to provide for the family. One day she was planning to go and train on being a Witchdoctor and I threatened to leave the family for good.

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    • June 25, 2015 at 1:04 pm
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      Sorry to hear your story. Hopefully you have gotten some help now and are in the process of healing.

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  • June 26, 2015 at 8:37 am
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    Good article again Christine.

    Something I find strange is that the U.S. seems a lot more ‘advanced’ than the UK in writing and publishing articles discussing narcissism.

    This condition is hardly discussed on any UK websites (other than lightheartedly in referring to being vain).

    Wondered if you had any thoughts on why the apparent recognition disparity / why narcissism is seemingly more an accepted mental health issue in the U.S?

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    • June 26, 2015 at 9:10 am
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      I really don’t but find that to be interesting and something to research further. Thank you!

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  • June 26, 2015 at 11:12 am
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    A year ago I got out of a relationship with a probable narcissist. He was not overtly so, maybe a light version.. It however, was not a good relationship, but hindsight is always 20/20. Good thing I focus on the future or that time he raped me would’ve broken me. The description fits my elder sister perfectly, who verbally abused me for several years until I broke. I have PTSD from it but am on my road to recovery, more complete now than ever before. The intense stares, shouting, name-calling and promises of remembering my ‘defiance’, silent treatment and temper tantrums, and all else is seared into my mind and memories. They are a no fun bunch. I hope awareness grows so more people can avoid them.

    I’m also sad to see that people forget their own courage. I don’t mean to say that it’s the victims fault in any way, rather that I feel sad that such is the way of things. I forgot my courage for a long time too and I feel that at 22 years of age I’ve seen more horror than people probably should. I don’t mean this in any way of conceit, rather that if my own hell has been but a glimpse, then I wish no one else to take the same road. Remember your courage and your strength. Courage is not the absence of fear, but to triumph over it in spite of fear.

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  • June 30, 2015 at 1:42 am
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    My husband has been diagnosed with B/P, PTSD and extreme anger. He even receives SSDI for it. They gave him a written test to take, and that’s how he was diagnosed. I feel like he has been misdiagnosed. He doesn’t have the ups and downs of Bipolar…no depression. But, he does fit all the criteria for being a Narcissist. He is extremely emotionally and financially abusive. My goal is to eventually try to get away from him, but it’s going to take time due to money issues. Until I can get away, is there anything that I can do to try to keep him at an even keel? How do you de-fuse a Narcissist when they’re on a rant? Seems like everythig I do makes it worse.

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    • June 30, 2015 at 5:42 am
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      I wrote an article about coping with a narcissit a while back. Try some of those strategies.

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  • July 28, 2015 at 9:23 am
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    Really? Couldn’t this “verbal abuse” fit sermons coming from morally focused and obsessed pastors? and those who are focused on drawing adherents to themselves for power, money and other gains?

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  • August 27, 2015 at 11:53 am
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    Being a male in good physical condition, I have had few run ins with narcissists. The ones i did I simply smacked them in the mouth when they began to rant. They all folded like cards. One that didn’t ended up in the hospital. He was lucky.

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  • January 16, 2016 at 5:53 pm
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    They also twist everything no matter whether it be positive or negative, you say to benefit them. My fake (marriage fraud) husband twisted everything that I said, be it a positive or negative thing to benefit him. Everything I ever said, he said was going to hurt him, even at night, was expected to remove my wedding ring and watch because I was going to hurt him. When he complained about how things were so much better in Peru than here in the USA, I told him we could stop everything here and move to Peru where he would be in his comfort level. That got twisted into that I was manipulating him for the papers.

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  • January 16, 2016 at 5:54 pm
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    I’ve never been so tired in my whole life and so discouraged because nothing worked, not even my faith!

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  • March 8, 2017 at 3:00 pm
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    This article is the best summary I have found to explain my last two decades of living. It really sneaks up on you, and you look at yourself like, wow I have some issues here and I need to be better, and then that better is never good enough, and you keep going and you’re so confused and blind-sided and you feel as if no one would believe you because his outward image is so opposite. Then you wonder if you’re going crazy and losing your mind, and you can’t count of him, he’s out living his life while you’re stuck with strange illnesses caused from stress so he just considers you weak and that’s exactly where he likes you, that you’re just way too sensitive and everything seems to be your fault, and you slowly melt away into a world where you turn your emotions off to cope with life. He knows this now. It has taken me years of telling him to stop talking to me that way, but it was my fault. He knows the severity of the effect this has had on me. I just don’t know if it is enough for him to refrain himself from the next time. I know I am looking forward to a life that is free of this treatment, if that be with him or without, I am at a point of strength where I will not live like this anymore. Thank you for the article.

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  • July 10, 2018 at 4:38 pm
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    Every NPD article on this website is like every minute of my 3.5 years with a narcissist written down in words. Every single thing, every single article. I just dint know what I was experiencing for all those years till I first came across these articles and related so deeply to it cause you only truly understand narcissism when you have been with one.. when I explain all this to my friends.. they don’t get the picture.. Thank you so much Christine for chalking it perfectly.. my narcissistic ex made me believe that all his verbal abuse ‘was my fault’.. or because ‘I deserved it’.. or because ‘my actions made him say it’.. or simply that calling me a (nasty cuss word) was no big deal or guess what .. ‘it was a joke and I was being dramatic by reacting to it and that I couldn’t take a joke’. It actually made me question my sanity.. and of course not to forget all his gas lighting and silent treatments.. i was always walking on eggshells.. he showed no empathy and even admitted that he was the same with his family !.. pure and utter ruthless behavior. Sometimes I felt I was with my enemy. Never felt safe and secure and it was all always about him.. thankfully It ended and now I actually feel so free and happy.. except that I wasted so much crucial time with him. Well .. better late than never.

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