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57 thoughts on “12 Survival Tips for Living with a Narcissist

  • July 4, 2017 at 3:48 pm
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    I have a 17-year-old daughter who has every single behavior I’ve ever read about Narcissism. Guessing the super need for control and hyper arrogance go with this disorder. She knows exactly how to push my buttons and makes me the villain and her the victim. WAY too often. I would greatly appreciate tips on appropriate responses on my part when she begins the abuse cycle. Right at the “threat” level. She rapids moves from threatened to abusing and short of getting in my car and driving off, I have not figured out how to stop this in its tracks. Or survive it without losing my cool.

    Thank you for your help.

    Becky

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    • March 26, 2019 at 6:59 pm
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      I have 11 years experience. Dont play her game switch off emotionally when it gets real bad and stay strong when u know ur in the right. They will try to make u feel really guilty about this. give lots of love and help when things settle.

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  • July 5, 2017 at 7:47 am
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    While there is a lot of good advice in your columns in general I completely disagree with the idea of letting the narcissist have access to the label narcissist – by calling them a narcissist.

    They will then just throw this label back at you. This label and the knowledge it gives the abused is the one element of power that the abused have. Don’t throw that away by giving it to the narcissist.

    I do fully agree in calling out bad behavior. However call out each individual instance of bad behavour.

    My current technique is to call it out by saying “thats not nice” – when they behave badly.

    Even the narcissist cannot argue that their behavior is nice when it blatantly isn’t.

    By repeating this phrase ad nauseum the point is subtly made to the narcissist that they are not a nice person. The sophisticated label narcissist is then not needed. In a family situation where there are children present this is doubly important as the children then learn to distinguish between “nice” and “not nice” behavior and to realise that nice behavior is valuable.

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    • December 29, 2018 at 10:49 pm
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      Excellent and I am going to have to remember this 🙂

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    • March 11, 2019 at 12:10 pm
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      With a narc, there is no boundaries, mine will turn anything around and justify his bad behavior by only acknowledging it as necessary because he’s not being treated as the authority on something, anything. He’s justified hitting a teacher in fifth grade by saying she deserved it because of “what came after”, although he continues to this day to say nothing really came of it, a major lie, obviously.

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    • June 2, 2019 at 10:06 pm
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      I’ve lived with a narcissist for over 30 years. It’s only been the last 6 years that I’ve realisedthis,thanks to the internet. I’ve read so much on this subject that I’ve been able to pass on alot of info to others that are struggling. My biggest saving grace is 90%of the time detaching myself from him both physically and emotionally. Finding a network of friends to socialise with etc. I’ve never let him know what I’ve learnt. I’ve been able to play him when it suits as they are so predictable. I too call him out on bad behaviour by stating what he said or did was unkind,nasty or uncalled for. Then walk off . This seems to leave him temporarily stumped for words. I also state that I won’t argue with him about xyz that he’s do to bate me. These tactics have brought me alot more peace than I thought possibly. As for trogen horse gifts his latest his nagging for me to commit to a holiday with him. While my situation isn’t ideal it’s the best I can achieve at the moment.

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      • September 15, 2019 at 9:07 am
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        I’ve since used the same type of tactics. I mean I’m too old to play redundant childish or immature games and getting into arguments. I tell him head on I can’t or won’t deal with him talking to me in any foolish way and walk off. I have delved into building a life for me outside of him…the activities would definitely be a good distraction and focus on self in a positive manner. I mean life is for the living and I can’t continue to wait for him to be ready to do or live as far as a social life is concerned. Lol…ive managed to earn two master degrees during my 18 year marriage and work towards gaining a better financial platform independent of my husband. Look…truth be told, can it hurt to the core at times? Yes…Does it get frustrating at times? Yes. However, since I’m choosing to remain in the marriage, I’ve decided to use the experience to strengthen my cause…ME. Frankly, not that it’s an ideal situation but had I not come to the realization of my husband’s personality or traits of narcissism, I feel I would’ve grown comfortable or complacent and not have accomplished anything for myself that I previously mentioned. So, overall, some of the things mentioned in this article has indeed been what I’ve been doung when needed in reference to dealing with him.

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    • October 2, 2019 at 1:36 pm
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      I think the author underestimates the power of silence or casually dismissive responses. If the narcissist goes into blame mode and says its your fault, you can readily say, “Oh, you’re probably right” and go on with whatever you’re doing, or simply act as if you haven’t heard it. If they repeat it, you say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What did you say?” All of this in the most bored, distracted, I don’t really care kind of tone you can manage.

      Narcissists are always looking for a reaction. The less you react, the less powerful they feel. If you do end up having to directly deal with some demand or other, again, you say, “Oh, no, I’m not going to do that,” in the most blase way possible. Or you just don’t do it and say, “I decided against it” when s/he asked. Bland is best if you have to deal with them. Nothing bothers a narcissist more than you not being affected by his/her behavior.

      All of this assumes a certain level of safety. If you can’t do this stuff without threat of physical retaliation, the only answer is to get the hell out of there. No one should have to live with this kind of behavior!

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  • October 28, 2018 at 9:55 pm
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    Very happy to have found this website. My life has been turned upside down, and I too live with a narcissistic husband. This is my first experience with this type behaviour and it’s challenging, to a place that continues to drain me emotionally. Can’t wait to read and learn more strategies. Thanks.

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  • January 1, 2019 at 5:52 am
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    I’ve been married to a Narcissist for 14 years. I consider it time wasted. I can’t afford to leave the relationship, and plan for the day that changes. My mind goes places that surprise and shame me at times with how I might end this relationship. So much so, that I question whether or not I’m may be the narcissist. I’m 60, almost 61 years old and hope (even at this age) that I can afford to change my circumstances once I collect Social Security. I am embarrassed to say that at times my heart still bursts with love for this selfish, empty and loveless man, but I’ve gotten better at reminding myself that these sparks of false emotion he seldom shows last only moments and in the next he’ll be a monster again. Life cannot be lived well without love. Everyone deserves to be cared for, but at this age it may be too late. Living without the hurt and constant anger will be enough for me when I can afford to get out of this negative, useless and life draining situation.

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    • February 7, 2019 at 3:24 pm
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      I have lived with the most horrendous narcissistic man born for 36 years now time and time again the same sadistic treatment from him, some of the things he has done is unmentionable but still he continues as he has managed to make it impossible to leave, but at 55 years old I believe I still have time and rightly deserve some peace and love in my life so don’t worry about age just plan to move on when you can
      I would also just like to say 36 years have been taken from me so sorry to say the advice here is not for me no way will I except it as an illness or Truma in his early years we all no right from wrong no excuses for these god dam awful humans and I hope my husband gets everything he deserves when I finally go no contact can’t wait😁😁😁

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    • March 8, 2019 at 11:51 am
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      I feel your pain! I too am with a narrsisist. We have only been together for 1 1/2 yrs, and engaged for 10 mths. Every single day starts with an argument. He came into my home to live where I have 2 teenagers. He doesnt like my daughter and tells me daily how to parent her. If I dont listen to him, its hell. If he screws up (which is often) he denies it and immediately tries to twist it around by saying “you always want to fight “. He stole my sons debit card, and when I confronted him he said “oh my God, why are you trying to start an argument with me”? “You always want to fight”, “I cant live with you always down my throat”. And when I tell him I want him to move out (every week), he threatens “you’ll lose your house without me helping with bills”. I feel so stuck, I cry daily and I’ve never been a crier. Also he had made me cut off friends. Has kept me isolated. I cant go anywhere. He checks the kms on my car. When I’m hurt and crying in front of him , he doesnt acknowledge that I’m upset. He ignore me. It’s all about his feelings.
      Is there a way to make him realize how he makes me feel?

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      • March 29, 2019 at 7:33 pm
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        Turn and walk away!! I cannot state this more plainly. You will never be as important as him. If he doesn’t like your children, don’t turn your life and theirs into a living hell. You and your children deserve so much better. I married a man who charmed his way into my life only to realize a few years into it that he was not only a narcissist, but he is also bi-polar.
        You are not the fix it lady and he is not going to be fixed if you just love him enough!!!!

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      • April 8, 2019 at 8:38 pm
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        I so feel your pain right now . I am also living with an Narrsis we been together for 5 years now and wards cant decribe how mentaly drained I feel right now I feel like theres no way out for me . Hes lied beaten and made me feel worthless. Our children went up for adopion because off this iv got no familey left no friends iv also tryed to commet suidide because I just cant take no more but feel as if I cant break free. Not one aounce off guilt sadness nor nothing ever come from him and he just carrys on each day as normal and excepts me too . Really dont no what to do .

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      • September 15, 2019 at 9:16 am
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        Look…the decision is yours in the end, but if you’re not married to him yet, THANK YOUR GOD that you see him as his is prior…I mean, why stay? From what I gather and speaking from my own situation, I hadn’t seen or recognized any signs or behavior of narcissism until AFTER we were married. Divorce can be more complicated than breaking an engagement.

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    • March 20, 2019 at 10:33 pm
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      Same here. I’m 65 & 21 years with him. I only recently came to understand this was the issue (thanks to DT). He controls the money, enjoys humiliating me, has temper tantrums, massive mind control over me. I look forward to the day one of us dies. I dread coming downstairs every morning & judging his mood by his reply to my always cheery good morning. I can’t make many plans with friends because he will cause me to cancel. If I do management get out it can only be for a couple hours. And every single time, I have to do something for him at the same time, be it an errand or bringing him food. Tomorrow I’m riding with a friend and hour away for her doctor appointment but I have to bring him lunch back. If friends are over he’s constantly calling my name & saying things unimportant at the time, like we have to call the vet, we have to order dog food, we have to call the garage. Always “we” but always really me. I feel invisible, insignificant, there’s something wrong with everything I do or say. I was sexually abused as a child but he says get over it because it’s screwing with his sex life. I am dead inside. I need knee surgery but can’t get it because it will impact on him. Him, who goes nowhere & does nothing. Thanks for letting me vent.

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      • September 15, 2019 at 9:27 am
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        Well…what can I say? Throw him a curve ball and start ignoring his requests. It’s time to evolve and let him see it. Either he will be caught by surprise or he’ll rant or both…either way, you’ll have to stand your ground and remove your emotions out of the situation thereby commanding respect. He’ll have no choice but to accept it and deal with it eventually but his approach towards you will become different. I mean fact of the matter as I see it is, sure, you can learn how to live with a narcissistic husband but at the same time, especially if or when you call him out, you have to teach him how to treat you too.

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    • July 18, 2019 at 7:17 pm
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      U r an inspiration! I am 43 & have been living with my narcissistic husband since last 20 years & just felt there is no escape for me but reading Ur hopeful comments I believe that even I should keep my hopes up! Wish u all the best and see u on the other side one day of freedom, love & peace. Amen

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  • January 30, 2019 at 4:50 am
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    Hi thank you I have done this more or less through out the years to cope. The hardest I find if I get I’ll which is not often, I find myself alone and punished for being ill. I have four children, only the youngest comes and asks if I want water or food, the dad and the others seem to be completely oblivious to me. The dad suggests that I am taking. I have not fallen ill for a long time. I can deal with most of it and look after myself. But somehow the children s lack of concern hurts me. As when they have been my priority since they were born 7,8,8 and 15. The 15 year old is particularly self centered, she can not feel anything for any of her brothers or sisters or me, particularly unhelpful and uncooperative, but extremely self focused. Which makes it hard for me to keep everyone going together. I can not leave this man and find some one else as my children adore him and his fun style. I keep going. He snores and that affects me when I can’t get to sleep, but he denies it even when I play it back to him, a simple act of sleeping on his side he won’t do for me. But he pays the mortgage. Pray for me.

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  • March 12, 2019 at 8:25 am
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    This was extremely helpful for me. It helped me in my understanding of what I’m going through. And how I can attempt to save my marriage but it is hard to be hopeful at times and fearful as well of their reaction.

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  • March 24, 2019 at 8:39 pm
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    I have been married to a narcissist for a long time. I have always wondered what was going on. I stumbled on a story that included people being narcissist. As I read on, it occurred to me that this was true my wife as well. I also had to admit to myself that I am a bit codependent. Not easy to look at yourself that way. I did step back and study things for a while. I thought about it and came up with strategies to work around a lot of things. My problem with this, is that I am a fairly open person, but now I have to mentally always keep a distance. This is counter to any level of real intimacy. I really do not like the feeling of not being open, but I must. It also seems a little bit manipulative which I do not like, but you got to do what you got to do.
    All of this explains an interaction between my daughter (who is a RN) and my wife. When I had open heart surgery a few years back, my daughter came and took care of me, and would not let my wife do it. I think on some level my daughter knows.
    I think all my children know. If they want chit-chat they will talk to mom, if they have a real problem they come to me. If you are married to a narcissist, please look after your children.
    I am an engineer, so smart in some ways and so stupid in others. This is a tough game.

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  • March 26, 2019 at 7:01 pm
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    Thank you soooo much your tips and info are going to be really helpful.

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  • April 9, 2019 at 9:20 am
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    Wonderful article, and so helpful. Trying to figure out how to manage my own expectations and emotional needs while keeping my family together, as I fear more for what ugly traits my teen sons could pick up from their father if we had to share custody. I was dead set in my heart on leaving, as I am just worn out with the lack of emotional connection, hearing husband’s glorious stories about himself over and over, walking on eggshells, trying to do something, ANYTHING, that would make him soften, then realized that no amount of anything I can do will make HIM have emotions or empathy. So, now I just need to steel myself and do the best I can at keeping my ugly thoughts quiet and bide my time until custody is no longer an issue so that my boys are emotionally safe and not torn apart by divorce at a challenging age. These people (narcissists) make it so hard on us empathetic, feeling types, because when they’re getting their supply, they can seem nice and sweet, but they are still just so “flat,” for lack of a better way to explain it. I think I have come to terms with just being happy with my kids and the time we spend together, and outside hobbies and interests, and not expecting things to ever be truly, deeply happy with my husband. I just know I can’t live out all of my days til death do us part with this shell of a human. Unless one of us dies soon. LOL.

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  • April 13, 2019 at 11:46 pm
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    My heart aches to know that there some many of us living with someone who has such a terrible illness. I have no idea how I found this website… I’ll I know is was at the perfect time, I was about to give up…I felt so lonely, so week, so stupid for allowing someone to treat me the way he does and believing everything he said about me. Great article I’ll will try my best to follow the 12 tips. Thank YoU!

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  • April 19, 2019 at 12:56 pm
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    This article literally sickened me. I kept reading points that only enabled the Narcissist by playing into their sick disorder and appeasing them to keep them happy. After dealing with a narcissist for 13 years, I got fed up with his abuse, got educated, started calling him out on his Narcissistic behavior (which made him extremely mad but ultimately made him aware that he might have a serious problem) and set very strong boundaries with consequences that were carried out. After educating him about what I would and would not tolerate in the relationship and kicking him out of the house 3 times in order for him to understand that I meant what I said as to consequences for breaking boundaries, he got the message. My point is, take the focus off the Narcissist and get the focus on you and what you need in a relationship. If they won’t meet your needs, then dump them and go find someone who will. Take control of your life and stop the abuse. Life is short. Start living it instead of surviving it.

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  • April 20, 2019 at 9:50 pm
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    I’m really confused. My wife says I’m a covert narcissist. I know I have high anxiety, codependency, and addiction. But I’ve done psych tests and counseling for years. None of the counselors or tests have said that I’m a narcissist, and some have said she seems borderline. I can sometimes see what she’s saying about me, but other times I feel gaslighted. Whatever is true about the labels, IF I am a covert narcissist, HOW do I change? Can a narcissist change? I’m tired of all the chaos in our marriage.

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    • April 20, 2019 at 10:38 pm
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      Your desire to change is a strong indicator that you are not a covert narcissist especially if no psychological test has said that you are. I would research Borderline Personality Disorder instead.

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  • April 24, 2019 at 11:36 pm
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    In January I discovered my wife was having an affair. This was as we were going into year five of no sex in our marriage. I had never gotten an explanation for why the sex stopped other than vague implications that she had no interest in sex or that I didn’t make her feel good about herself.
    My initial reaction to finding out about her adultery was almost joyful…I had the moral high ground and things would now change. It was clear she had violated her vows, and there could be no justification for that.
    I sat on the knowledge about a week. During that time I looked at my reaction in light of my religious and moral beliefs. I also put things in perspective as far as the children and my view of our wedding vows. I determined that I would not leave the marriage or her. This was the ‘worse’ in for better or for worse. It also seemed to touch on in sickness and in health. Her view was that I had made life in the marriage so bad that she had no choice but an affair. She was ‘unhappy’ and my ‘always being angry’ was the cause. Apparently 5 years of zero sex, staying home with the kids in a rural environment while she worked 12 hour shifts nights/days (which were supposed to lead to her promotion into upper management) should lead to peace and joy. Of course her 12 hour shifts were things of hardship while mine alone with toddlers to 10 year olds we’re holidays.

    I have been up and down emotionally in the last several months. However, spiritually I have been exceptionally blessed by accepting that my own faults are many (though in no way responsible for her affair) and realizing that becoming the best man I can be, with God’s help, is the best thing I can do for whatever the outcome of our marriage is. I decided that I will/do love my wife and therefore must act on that within the marriage.

    At first it seemed as if I would be extraordinarily weak, as I would seek to give to her. Unexpectedly I have found that to give of myself out of love is a strength. Unlike giving out of fear or as appeasement. I sort of see her as having a chronic illness…perhaps it will go into remission, perhaps it will not. Regardless, she is my wife so I will love and help her. Being able to let her in completely, to finally open my heart fully while knowing what I was opening it to was immensely freeing. Logically it was stupid, but marriage is a sacrament and involves two people and God in my view. I have great joy, along with daily frustration, from allowing myself to care. I do not know what will happen. I do not even know if she is a true narcissist…and it does not matter. I am learning to live in the moment and to let go of my own narcissistic impulses and activities. I am moving forward in important areas. I want her to come along too but I cannot make her do that. All I can try to do is love her radically. Whether that works for our marriage or not will be seen. I have faith it will eventually, at some level but it is already working great change within me and has allowed me to come to understand the phrase “Be not afraid”; which I want desperately for her to understand as well.

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  • June 2, 2019 at 10:29 pm
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    Everything you said resounds with how I felt at first and sometimes still do. But as our children are 30 plus they have been open with me on the subject. They have stated that it’s what I have to do to keep my sanity. Deep down I think their right.

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  • June 9, 2019 at 9:32 am
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    I am living with this learning curve after curve some issue I give and some The problems I am facing is I keep choosing the same person every time the same issue I like this at the start then it tapers off, third wife either change my taste or honker down and walk thru but don’t give in to the lies or blame game stand tall and be willing to lose.(my story)

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  • July 24, 2019 at 2:44 pm
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    This is 100% my situation too. I have three boys and two with special needs (ASD/ADHD). My husband displays all of these narcissistic traits and especially treats me awfully. I am waiting for surgery and then I’m going to finish my masters degree so that I can end this nightmare and not have to worry about child support. He is so controlling of money – wanting me to use inheritance money instead of family earned wages to pay for the family car insurance just this week. I found out he’s using another account to put his OT pay into. Last year he went away for “fun” for three weeks only to be picked up from the airport in a bad mood and said nothing to me the whole way home expect to rant that the house wasn’t clean (home with three kids solo parenting for three weeks – the house was not easy to keep clean). It is such a mind twist to deal with this. I can hardly wait to be done with him, but I don’t want to split until I am done school and have a solid job to support the kids and myself without having to worry about his drama. Do you have some sort of support chat that is not seen on facebook? We you sign up to a group, others in your friends list can see it, and I don’t want people (especially my husband and his family) knowing.
    Thanks for this….it is helping me to keep my mind clear and persevere until I can end this nightmare.

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  • July 24, 2019 at 9:34 pm
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    The irony that Bill Clinton would be the narcissist. I found your article trying to start thinking through how to cope with the possibility that this racist trash may be president another 4 years.

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  • September 6, 2019 at 7:53 am
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    Living with a narcissistic husband for 16 years, and it’s less than a week I am realizing he is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder! After getting a silent treatment because I did go to see my previous co-workers (all ladies), after 5 years. I enjoyed the lunch and catching up with them. When I came home, that was it for him! Eventhough when I left he was totally fine and I said call me if you need me. The silent treatment is what I have been living with for these years, and familiar with. But it really hurts every single time. I feel nothing left from me but the emotional scars all over. Searching online, I realized that it is a typical weapon for a narcissist. The more I read, the more matching behaviors I found😳Everything he says is right, never admit his wrongs, everything is my fault, he makes fun of what I wear. ( even giving me silent treatment because my top has flowers pattern on it!!!!!) , criticizing my body ( I am over weight or under weight, pretty good, better than average looking), he has been taking me to plastic surgeon and wanted me to look like models with extreme curves!!!!! That what he likes, not caring even of my health condition, some dr. said it’s not good and not necessarily for me to do that kind of surgery!!!!
    I look back, I was pretty happy, energetic, full of life and funny girl. He had made me feel like a living dead. I never felt true comfort with him. He doesn’t want to listen to me or understand what my likes and dislikes are in everything, even sex!!! It’s been years everything is dead for me. I used to have hope years ago, that he will get better, and would stop behaving like a stubborn child. He doesn’t even want to talk to resolve any issue. So now I have lost hope. I don’t know if I should continue living like this or not, have lost my confidence and self esteem over these years. And I am so scared of divorce, living lonely is not what I am familiar with. But I am ” THE EXHAUSTED WOMAN” and so tired of being worried what is going to make him mad again? A word that I day, or the tea was too hot or too cold for him? !!!!
    Thank you for good info and being able to share experiences with others going through the same hardship.

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    • September 9, 2019 at 7:57 am
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      The words you write describe my life. I’m “THE EXHAUSTED WOMAN”, too. In fact, I found this site by typing in the search ” I’m exhausted from living with narcissist husband” !I looked in the mirror last night while washing my face, and my eyes look dead. I feel completely drained, sad, worn out. My husband mentally and emotionally torments me constantly, everything is a sick game to him, a power play. I’m an artist, he finds fault with all my artwork or he ignores it, never attends my shows, now I find it difficult to pick up a paint brush, I used to have so much energy, laughter, I was pretty. I exercised my whole life and stayed in shape, always was complimented by people who said I looked younger than my age. Now I’m underweight from stomach issues caused by the stress. I look so haggard. I have anxiety, migraines due to the daily silent treatment, his zero empathy and his nasty, hostile actions. Nothing is ever good enough for him, He criticizes everything I do, everything I say, he takes pleasure in ruining any good mood I have. He makes this little snarky laugh at my opinions. He can turn the simplest question into a huge argument, it’s bizarre. He never admits he is wrong. My Mother passed away recently and it is a struggle as I miss her deeply. She was my best friend. Stupid me, I actually expected some sort of kindness or simple compassion. Instead, he ignores me when I cry, ignores me when I talk, doesn’t even look in my direction. Wow, who treats someone grieving in such a cold, uncaring way?? No hug, no touching, nothing. He writes witty comments on Facebook, in public he is such a charmer, he keeps his mean true self hidden until back home again. That’s the really screwed up part- no one would believe how awful he really is if I tried to explain how we really live. He is such a great actor he could win an Oscar. His latest tactic is making huge messes for me to clean up. If he makes himself something to eat he purposely drops food on the floor, the counter is covered in crap, knocks over glasses of ice tea on the living room rug, and he finds this amusing. I raised 3 kids- he is not their father, we got together after my divorce. and I have never seen anything like these messes. He only talks when it’s about himself or to tell me some “fabulous trip” someone is taking that he saw on Facebook. No intimacy, no nothing. I love to sit outside in my screened in gazebo, we live in the woods, but I’m always sitting by myself. summer is over now, and it was wasted. He’s inside watching tv for hours and hours. There was love bombing when we first got together. Then he became moody periodically, but I always thought things would get better. I tried so hard to make him happy. What a fool I am. As the years passed, he’s become worse and worse. I used to be able to manage and cope.. But now it is too much. He sabotages any plans I make, screwing up details on purpose. The days are horrible now that he retired last spring , and he is home constantly. he is 63 I’m 61 , my life is a nightmare . Financially, I cannot afford to leave . I can’t sleep, I wake up and dread what he’ll do next. The only thing saving my life is the thought of leaving my children and my dog and cats. I pray for everyone on this page, what a profoundly sad way to live.

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  • September 25, 2019 at 1:40 pm
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    I admire your courage to call him out on things and not allow him to control the both of you. I too believe in making them aware and accountable, working on that myself right now!! Great story and your an inspiration to so many!

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  • October 1, 2019 at 3:05 pm
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    LADIES! GENTLEMEN! I hold hands with all of you!and then add ‘hypnotism and destructive sabbatoge to the story. it took 13 years of my gullibility, 2 years of denial and 5 years of educating myself. here are a few of my survival tips
    1. get off the victim chair! EDUCATE YOUSELF!
    2. never stop planning for the day you will be independent! I lived in my suv for a year. resources are out there. this gave me time to reestablish who the hell I am, how I was raised, my values and purpose, and where did I see myself in 5 years. to confirm IM OK AND I LIKE WHO I AM I DO NOT HAVE THE PROBLEM! and you are a fly (lol)
    3. BE OKAY WITH CHANGING THE PLAN its ok ‘the plan’ did not fan out (car broke down big $)I CHOOSE to return to the same walls that I allowed to control me however, it now confirmed that I am stronger and less tolerate to manipulation. independent for only my need to reaffirm I am a success within myself.
    4. do not contemplate the question of ‘why’. do not hold emotion for this negative living with you. like a fly look forward when its gone. don’t dwell don’t even think twice about the negative vanish those thoughts. they are time wasters! think of your awesome beautiful self (this may take practice just do it) refer to #1. and so forth.
    5. the ‘never’ is important here.
    a. never forget they will not change
    b. never think they are sincere to you
    c. never expect anything loyal, loving, or supportive from the negative (aka narK’r)
    d. never loose your sense of humor which is hard at times ( to say the least!) shake it off, in one ear and out the other mother always said!
    e. never forget the focus! it is on YOU 100% your health your thoughts your support 24/7 you are what matters (refer back to a., b., c., d.)
    6. do not discuss your children with…Make decisions re: children independently ALWAYS. they are best guided and loved by truth. you are not responsible for the relationship that is made by a negative. children are smart, their memories will tell the truth to them. reassure them never stop telling them they are brilliant, powerful and special.
    7. don’t engage in anything w/ the negative if possible. there is no point to it. (refer to #1. etc)
    8. don’t argue, hell don’t even talk(lol) to a negative, there is no point. (refer to #7) do what your gonna do, your decision. if necessary appease the negative but carry out what your gonna do anyway without a need to chat about it*appease=simply say yes ok. that does not say your gonna do it another way, it confirms you heard the negative and carry on with your decision of action. don’t feel the need to discuss it.
    7. except YOU ARE STRONG YOU WILL SURVIVE it is only finances that are keeping you here.
    8. your safety and warmth is a priority along with keeping your pets safe! don’t underestimate a negative. you know your pets behavior anything other than normal take precautions! I don’t have the answers with no finances I cant get them tested. or even my own food to a lab. advice welcomed.
    9. great advice my pharmacist told me years ago when going through an earlier divorce…
    ENCIRCLE YOURSELF AROUND
    FRIENDS OF SUPPORT!
    10. a day of clarity will come (or already has dahh) that life is not fun and possibly not complete without the love of a partner. a negative is completely void of a healthy partnership. your strength and wisdom and power will again re- center your focus on independence. and one day when you least expect it love will find its way into your life again…be cautious! you are more vaunderable than you know to be easily influenced. don’t let go of your independence ever! sure you can add people to your life but never think its gonna be easier to give over the steering wheel you worked hard to establish the ‘you can do it’ foundation it is laziness if you let anyone else do it. and trust in the fact ONLY you hold your best interests at heart. ofcourse youll be right back, just watch out buddy cuz your power is walking back in that door with you! and then there was silence—-> ahh how refreshing!
    GO FORTH YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!

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