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26 thoughts on “Narcissism in Mothers – The Reality of the Classic Villainess

  • July 17, 2018 at 1:23 am
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    No mention of a third type of child. How about the one who rebels (rather early) to the helicopter narcissist mother. The mother gains by this behavior too, telling friends & family how the child never listens & is very disobedient. This gives the mother attention & gains everyone’s sympathy. What it does to the child is it turns them into a loner, one who fears offers of friendship as attempts to be controlled by yet another helicopter narcissist. These children can become callous, suspicious adults, feeling anyone who wants to be a friend must have alterior motives. Its especially compounded if the child happens to be an only child. The only child label acerbates the situation while some adults actually tell the child they are a spoiled brat, because after all, that’s what an only child is. When in reality, the child is as miserable as any confined prisoner & not spoiled at all.

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    • July 18, 2018 at 10:53 am
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      And then the NM still takes all the attention, if possible. “How could you do this to me?” (Think for yourself and separate from her)
      Throw in violence, some permanent scars too, and the NM will turn rightful blame into a spotlight hog.
      As I have tried to understand the NM in the contex of her own difficult childhood; the emotional neglect, trauma of sibling death/dementia, poverty, etc. for purposes of forgiveness, it is really hard to do. (Even, or especially, when my own ‘the best I can do’ is far from adequate.) This is the witch who put scars on my face, then told me I was “too defective” to “get a good man” and that my sister and I were “too damaged to have children”. I believed all those lies long enough for them to come true, even though rationally knowing better as an adult. It gets etched in.
      I’m going to die alone and forgotten, but the chain of abuse stopped here, with me. You’re Welcome! (Said to utterly no one)

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      • July 21, 2018 at 9:00 pm
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        I commend you in stopping that chain of abuse 💙 It’s a big deal 👏🏽 I am really very very sorry for your all of your life losses. Just do whatever you want now, because life can get just a little more interesting that way. I wish for you to enjoy the rest of your life in the best ways you are capable of. Life will end anyway, so do all the things you want until that time. 💕😢

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  • July 18, 2018 at 7:04 am
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    I was raised by a npd mother .My suffering included all of the above ,plus very low self worth …always pleasing everyone for love .Very sad indeed!!More needs to be done to bring this disorder into the light .

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  • July 18, 2018 at 12:05 pm
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    What about the mother who competes with her daughter ALL the time and much to the detriment of her daughter. My mother constantly put me down no matter what it was and even sabotaged my one and only opportunity to go to teacher’s training college. No matter what I succeeded at she could have done better or, she knew someone who could out craft, write, paint, run better etc. On my wedding day she slapped me down and neither of my parents put a penny towards the wedding. She didn’t utter a single kind word on my big day even though I planned everything from start to finish. At the reception she walked up to me and insulted me. I felt terrible!
    Everyone thought she was a lovely mum but little did they know how nasty she could me to me. She was always looking for compliments and praise and if I didn’t agree with her she would threaten me and mean it. Her vindictiveness towards me was horrible. Does a mother like this qualify as a narccississt?

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  • July 18, 2018 at 3:37 pm
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    I sometimes wonder what the world would be or look like if we could somehow eliminate narcissistic parenting. Having a narcissistic parent creates “soul-murder” in the adult, and coming to terms with the fact the parent never, ever loved you (indeed, resented and hated you) is perhaps one of the hardest truths to admit and come to terms with in adult survivors. How can you trust and commit to a long term intimate relationship when your childhood was dominated by inconsistent and unpredictable intrusiveness and ignoring/rejection? A person in this situation can only compulsively move from one relationship to another, hopeless trying to fix or repair the original wound/wish in a way that is developmentally impossible. Culturally, unwelcome children will have their revenge, either against themselves or against society as a criminal or worse. This is what emotional neglect does, it crushes the spirit, the true self of the person. A child in this circumstance has only one option: the construction of a false self as a defense mechanism against neglect. What is a false self? A false self is entitled, grandiose, arrogant, exploitative and unable to produce empathy or connect with others. That is, a narcissist.

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    • July 21, 2018 at 8:48 pm
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      I’m going through this right now I believe. My mom doesn’t care if I never speak to them again. She just wants to be able to do what she wants and be happy, and not talk about what she and her husband (my step dad) have done to hurt me. So, I mean. Why should I care other than for my own selfish gain anymore? The only reason I can think of is to try to live an ideal life, but if that’s not even gonna make me happy anymore then I’ll just do what I want. It’s about impossible to gain back the kind, caring, loving side of me and have that side of me stay intact or have the ability to pick myself back up and view myself and others with respect… so self-esteem is dead.

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  • July 18, 2018 at 5:29 pm
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    Stupid question, I’m presuming a mother that exhibits many sociopathic tendencies would produce children with many of the same problems, as those of a narcissistic mother?

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  • July 20, 2018 at 2:43 pm
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    Easy to explain narcissism by giving examples of step mothers in out dated fairy tales. It takes far more patience to love someone else’s child than to love a child one has birthed. Also please take care to not use the word ” Naturalized”, use biological instead. Mothers are mothers……..Bio, Step. Adoptive, Surrogate and none is superior to the other.

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  • July 21, 2018 at 8:12 pm
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    There is one more type of child raised by this type of mother. The child with the borderline personality disorder.

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  • July 28, 2018 at 8:09 pm
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    Ever since my 84 year old mother, in her declining days was diagnosed with narcissistic anxiety syndrome I have done lots of study. I could have hugged the doctor that made that diagnosis. I had no idea until then why I felt angry towards her most of the time. She is now passed and I am 66. I just ended a long term relationship that, as a result of my studying, was plagued with the same. I always found solace in fixing things. I was accused when I was very young of destroying any toys I had, so I did not get much of them as a result. I was taking them apart to see how they worked. I learned that working on things did not give me the grief and pain human relationships did, so now I am darn good at it, but socially, a loner and inept. I tried marrying into a large country family the first time I married and became so annoyed and uncomfortable with the social interactions I had no tools to deal with, divorce followed shortly thereafter. I have tried joining groups, including church, and quit them most likely for the same reasons. I suspect this has been going on for generations in my family. I loved my step grandparents and they were fair to me, clean and honest. I just had issues with the natural ones. So here I sit, by myself, with a herd of goats on a farm. I am lonely at times but now know I am a damaged victim of narcissism. At least now I am aware of it! Should I get therapy? Will that help? Expensive?

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