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20 thoughts on “Identifying Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

  • October 28, 2015 at 2:51 am
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    Yes, being in a close intimate relationship with a narcissist is a very traumatic experience. It is like being in a war zone. You feel traumatized and you need time to detox and recovery. The website http://www.psychopathfree.com is a great resource for overcoming cognitive dissonance.

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  • February 7, 2016 at 2:34 pm
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    this has made my day – this is me, my sister and my mum – due to my now deceased father – he made us all victims. thanks for this – my behaviours are beginning to make sense – I hope this makes it into the dsm…. very important diagnosis.

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  • May 1, 2016 at 11:20 pm
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    I am trying to find more ways to help my daughter and 3 sons who are victims of a narcissist. They have been failed by not only their husband/father but also by the legal system. We are in Illinois and they’re only means of support. This has been going on over 3 years, still not divorced, over $30,000 in legal fees and no end insight. He says he is going to kill her but only after he kills every person in her family while she watches. Her judge (and we can’t get another) doesn’t even follow her own court orders. He has and continues to threaten our family and is on his 3rd lawyer(they withdrew) and he just doesn’t pay the mandated child support, doesn’t show up to court and even though he is in constant violation nothing ever happens. My husband & I have had to move her and her 3 sons in with us because they have no home, no money, no car. He has repeatedly slashed our tires, smashed our windshields and countless other things that we had to install security cameras outside around our home for protection. The police have been called so many times their sick of it and they say there’s nothing they can do. Go get an order of protection which we have tried several times but because we have to go to the same judge she always denies. We truly need help and don’t know where to turn. Its almost as if the atty is now the abuser holding her case hostage even though we are paying $1000 a month. Please if there is anyone that can help me help her we would forever be grateful.
    Sincerely,
    Kim Reicher
    708-351-5518
    5518 west 128th place Crestwood, Il. 60445
    [email protected]

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  • May 22, 2016 at 3:09 pm
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    To Kim Reicher and any others interested – look up online Melanie Tonia Evans. GOD BLESS YOU.

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  • June 1, 2016 at 3:58 am
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    Dear Kim,
    Go to the media, call Dr Phil, any kind of media outlet – to bring awareness to your situation, and to force the current judge out so that maybe you can get a more reasonable judge who will do something about this outrageous behavior and situation!

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  • June 10, 2016 at 5:27 pm
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    (you’re the first to get a link to my blog,, I just started keeping comments I make in a group I’m in,, but they’re all about narcissism /victim /surviving stuff)
    Thanks for your insight and hard work,, I just found you and am grateful.. This particular blog is me,, almost everything you list, I’m going through or growing out of (with help and EMDR)..
    In truth, I grew up with a sadistic narcissistic mom and most of these things listed are just who I am since no one ever pointed out how linked my particular foibles are to symptoms of abuse.. For some reason, the therapeutic world has needed to blame me, telling me to just stop being who I am and telling me if I just do their program, I’ll be healed.. Well, I’ve done program after program but no one ever really gets down and dirty with the abuse done to me or how linked my problems are to a bottom line basic fear, that I will be beat again and whether I do good or bad, the result has always been the same in the past..
    This list helps tremendously,, I find direction and inspiration and options for growth.. thanks,, Kay

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  • October 24, 2017 at 10:03 pm
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    It has been nearly 2 years since I escaped my abuser. My therapist said there is no question that not only is he an abuser, but has NPD based on everything I told her AND most, importantly, the symptoms I presented with. I am recovering from ALL of them (except dissociation.) Thank you so much for sharing this information. It is so important for victims to understand what is happening to them, particularly because NPD abusers keep you in constant confusion, making you think YOU are the cause of all your problems. I am slowly understanding the extent of the sickness of that relationship.

    Prayers for everyone who has found their way here.

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  • November 2, 2017 at 12:57 pm
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    I’m not sure what to do to get help with my situation. I am a Combat PTSD survivor who later was in a relationship with a person with NPD the effects of which I am also suffering from. The Combat PTSD was not identified by me or mental health professionals for 15 years as it was classified as GAD and depression because back then they only prescribed medication for symptoms without attempting to investigate the cause of the symptoms. Which led to years of lost time living in a drugged state going on and off meds all the while being used and even more easily manipulated by my narcissist. I didn’t realize why I was being subjected to this abuse by my spouse for many years until about 6 months ago when I stumbled across the term ” gaslighting” Being that we have children together, I still have to deal with my narcissistic destructive behaviors and manipulations while trying to cope with fighting to deal with my PTSD. The manipulation and confusion caused by my narcissist’s behaviors also kept me from seeking help and finally identifying my combat PTSD for much too long. I am officially diagnosed with PTSD, but my condition is more a severe case of C-PTSD. Between being harmed by my traumatic experience (and many experiences after that), and then being in a long term never ending relationship with a dyed in the wool narcissist, I feel like I will never get better.

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    • November 2, 2017 at 1:01 pm
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      You can get better. I’ve worked with many clients who have combat PTSD. Please email call our office at 407-647-7005 to see if we can help you.

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  • November 5, 2017 at 2:54 pm
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    The conditions described in this post (Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, Trauma-Associated Narcissistic Symptoms, Traumatic Narcissism Syndrome, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) are all related to the effects of abuse. By the time these conditions develop, the damage has already been done. The ability to identify the conditions that make people vulnerable to abuse in the first place would be a lot more helpful. There are people who are very susceptible to becoming victims of narcissists. It is a repeating theme in their lives. I call them “chronic abuse victims” because no matter how hard they try to find good relationships the people who seek them out the most are abusers because abusers can see that they are easy victims. Abusers can see it in a person’s demeanor, their posture, their personality, the tone and intonation of their voice and lots of other things. Abusers test their victims to see how responsive they are. Some abusers can read vulnerability in people like they are reading a book. What do abusers see in people that makes them recognize people as potential abuse victims? And why can’t the rest of us see those qualities? Why can’t the victims themselves see it in their own personalities before the abuse happens? Could they be taught how to see it?

    There are other people in the world who have personalities that are not as easy to manipulate by abusive individuals. They do not have personalities that lend themselves well to abusive tactics, and abusers recognize that very quickly and move on to the next potential victim so as not to waste time on someone who is not going to meet their needs. Is there something that abuse victims can learn from these people?

    The field of psychology makes no effort to identify which personality traits those are, choosing to focus instead on the abuser, or the victim after the abuse has already happened. So the abusers remains one step ahead at all times, and any attempt at solving the problem will be reactive instead of proactive.

    I am speaking of my father specifically. He has been a victim of marital abuse for more than 50 years (from two wives, one who had bipolar disorder with extremely abusive manic phases, the current one is an abusive narcissist). He has never been a victim of violence, nor the victim of any crime. No crime has been committed against his person or property. The abuse happens under completely legal circumstances and with his full consent. It has taken a horrible toll on him psychologically. He is a defeated man. He is convinced he is a peace keeper, but there is never peace in his home. He lives in constant fear of her wrath and tries to stay one step ahead of the constantly changing demands. But he has plenty of valid excuses to deny the whole thing. He has no bruises, broken bones or open wounds, and he can prove this. Therefore no abuse has happened. There is also the well known (mythical) fact that it is impossible for females to abuse males. Armed with those strong arguments, and plenty of encouragement to deny his abuse by the abuser herself, he will never seek help and will avoid information that might reveal more about his personality than he is comfortable admitting to himself.

    His wife certainly has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But she wouldn’t have chosen him as her victim if he did not also have a condition that has never been defined. His condition is what made him an easy abuse victim. Her condition is causing problems in his life, but his condition is worse because it makes him a magnet for narcissists and prevents him from solving the problem. If he were to walk out the door and leave her behind tomorrow, he would be no better off. Even though her abusive condition would no longer be affecting him, his own condition would continue to cause problems in his life. For individuals like him, eliminating the abuser from the victim’s life is not a solution because the next person he meets would be very likely to be another abuser, just like the last two were. He goes through life thinking abuse is normal behavior, because in his life it really does seem like that’s the way most people are, but that’s only because most of the people who choose to seek him out are abusive.

    The people who do not have the insight to recognize when they are in an abusive relationship, and the people who do not have the personal strength and confidence to walk out of abusive relationships, have a debilitating condition. The effects of their abuse are a combination of their abuser’s condition and their own condition, not only a result of the abuser’s condition. Abuse victims almost always voluntarily submit to the abuse, and their failure or refusal to admit it is abuse is part of their condition. But the lack of definition of such a condition only strengthens their self-deluding argument that no such condition exists at all.

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  • June 13, 2018 at 12:17 am
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    Thank you so much for validating what this is like. I always felt this desperation to explain the crazy I was living in but it just made me look crazy. It’s been a year of keeping him away and am just now able to focus and articulate. So very accurate…greatly appreciated!

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  • November 8, 2018 at 6:55 am
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    I am thankful for finding this omg i have been in a 6 year relationship with someone I just recently realized is narcissistic! He screams at me since day one over petty things he belittled berates degrades snd insults me…he calls me vulgar names he physically mentally and emotionally abuses me he’s spit in my face many times chokes me and bullies me and had no problem frequently doing these things in front of my ten and his eleven year old daughters and disrespects me in front of them along with brushing my wishes and discipline off which leads them to think of me as equal or below them and they have no respect for me! I left 1900 miles away with my daughter this past November only to return in July 8 months later after being begged and promised changes are going to take place which were solely bait tactics! Now since returning it’s been dramatically worse horrific even I suffer from hearing voices cringe when he raises his voice which is daily and when I don’t do as he says or desires I feel as if I’m suffering a strike or heart attack my heart and chest feel like there being squeezed or I’m being sat on my head burns in several areas my ears ring and I cry multiple times a day ☹️🤦🏻‍♀️I can not afford a therapist as of yet but I’m scared he Denys any abuse or blame for any of our problems and tells me everything is in my mind and delusional and it’s all only manifested by me??! Can this be true? I feel as if another source is controlling me and can read my mind and can control me physically abc mentally and cause me pain or worse??! Thanks for listening I’m a severe empath and co dependent to a fault he also says it’s my guilty conscience I’m not perfect but I’ve never hurt anyone or did anything that would warrant this treatment!

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