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127 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

  • April 4, 2018 at 2:18 pm
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    Resource sharing “Machiavellian Bluff” by Abby Wilton

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  • May 29, 2018 at 7:10 am
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    This has helped me so much . thankyou 😊

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  • June 27, 2018 at 9:12 pm
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    How can I get my husband to see he’s a narcissist? He blames everyone, and even chronic Lyme symptoms on why he’s controlling, manipulative, goes into rages, etc. But he was like this before he ever got Lyme! And he plays the victim at every turn.

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  • July 7, 2018 at 10:53 am
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    As a survivor of two narcissists (an ex husband and our son) I thank you for your insights and know them to be true! I have been advised in therapy to never confront the narcissist with the diagnosis I know to be true as that will only serve to increase the abuse of me. The narcissist is an expert at pulling the wool over everyone else’s eyes except their chosen victim and can even fool their therapists!
    My son (my only child) uses my young granddaughter as a pawn which has worked until recently. I have had to give them both up to protect myself from further abuse. I am profoundly sad but relieved in a way to no longer be abused. I am in my 70’s and face a lonely rest of my life.
    Any thoughts will be appreciated!

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  • August 16, 2018 at 2:30 am
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    Finally. Thank you so much. I have been through a living hell and never knew how to explain it, or when I did, of course it made no sense to anyone who’s never endured such a thing. My ex NPD is highly intelligent and very successful (Global VP of a huge internet security company with the biggest companies as clients) and I am not a victim type (I definitely have the qualities they seek but I was always trying to get out of the relationship, not stay, but there is so much trauma to get out and so much to stay in, it’s impossible without someone explaining what’s happening to you and helping you and I was so isolated and broken over time, this deemed the crazy, unstable one) but that only shows this can happen to ANYONE. Mostly depending on how skilled the NPD is in the abuse tactics and how determined he is to destroy you…..um bc he loves you of course. In some ways, it’s similar to the abuse most are used to in that “when is the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship: when she tried to leave.” I tried to leave in the nicest way imaginable and just from that, the next 6 years of my life were a whirlwind nightmare of every psychological abuse tactic you can think of. He even checked the Auschwitz book out 3 times (that I know of) from the library, i’m guessing to hone his skills in torture or to feel justified in what he was doing. I accidentally made a bunch of recordings. I was too traumatized to listen (some were from 2014!) and I have only listened to them a few weeks ago. I think I may have one of hte only documented cases of what a victim endures during these episodes. I never made the recordings to protect myself or use against him. I made them bc i was feeling like I couldn’t trust my thoughts with the insanity of the lies and denials and the crazy turns the arguments would take. Do you want to listen? I think you would fall off your chair. No one has ever heard them. I’m scared all the time….like a constant anxiety, mind racing yet paralyzed fear. And i’m not quite sure of what other than he’s going to find a way to hoover me again and destroy me again. I’ve moved away twice, even out of state but he has followed me to both places. I really feel i need to tell this story and highlight the destruction of my life so people understand and maybe we can get the laws changed like they did in England in 2015. I know psychological abuse is very hard to prove but I have recordings and an entire timeline to prove it. Getting the 2 good jobs that took me away is the only thing that saved me or gave me a chance to save myself. I hope you can help put this on the map as a very different, yet utterly damaging,abuse. Regardless, thank you so much for even the validation of this article. Kimberly.

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      • August 23, 2018 at 1:23 am
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        Hi, I wanted to clarify on the “victim type” comment. I don’t want to offen anyone. We are all victims if we have suffered abuse and shouldn’t feel shame from that bc that shame keeps us quiet and further isolated giving them more power. If I ever tried to reason with him or explain that his behavior was really harmful, he would scream, “oh, you’re such a “f—-g” victim so I became defensive and ashamed of that word. What I meant to say was I’m not really the naive type bc I’m older. In my 20s and early 30s, I may have thought I could help, change or fix but I didn’t and tried to get out before anything got bad. It didn’t matter…and he was just that skilled at manipulation and all the tactics they use that I had no understanding of. I’m so busy with work and not doing so well when I’m not working but I will still send the recordings. I panicked a little after I posted the last comment. Thank you again for shedding light on all this. It’s so necessary.

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      • October 23, 2018 at 5:42 pm
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        Kimberly, your ex sounds JUST like my husband. He calls me names, says things like i can’t do anything right, tells the kids terrible things and turns everything around on me. Then he, to top it off, he says that my “abuse bullshit” it just that…bullshit. I am a weak crady nut who needs help. I have been married for 22 years now. We were married when i was 29 and i am 51 now. He is the most difficult person to deal with that i have ever run across in my entire life. I am working on getting out but it is so hard and the marriage has damaged me so much that i dont even know me anymore. I have zero sefl-esteem. I feel so trapped.
        I am trying to learn all i can to see.how others have gotten out! Thank you! I appreciate your sharing your situation too. I don’t feel quite as alone.

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  • August 28, 2018 at 3:40 pm
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    This is very interesting read. I have a question. My daughter who is 18 fits most of these examples. For the last year, after her 2 suicide attempt, I have probably been way too lenient on her because of my fear of losing her. I truly feel at my wits end with her accusations and manipulations, and have now had to reconcile ‘losing her’ in one way or another, in order to start to save myself. She lives with me. How can I support her, while still enforcing safe boundaries? What strategies have helped others, specifically when she wants to engage in a battle with me (at 1am) and starts threatening to move out, sleep in the car, or harm herself? I am truly at my wits end. She is on meds but no longer goes to therapy.

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    • August 28, 2018 at 5:03 pm
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      I would strongly advise you to see a therapist who can walk you through this. Unfortunately there are no simple answers for your questions.

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