advertisement

16 thoughts on “7 Ways Narcissists Retaliate Through Children

  • May 24, 2016 at 6:54 am
    Permalink

    All of the above happened within my divorce not only from my ex but my parents. Sadly both my children suffered. After many years I don’t have a relationship with my daughter and very sadly I have called time on a relationship with my son due to his behaviour.he is not a child but a grown 30 year old man who has constantly stole lied from me and blames everything and everyone except himself. I have taken the choice now that I cannot live with this type of behaviour in my life anymore from anyone. It has nearly destroyed me over the years.

    Reply
  • June 7, 2016 at 11:08 pm
    Permalink

    So how do I prove to m lawyer and judje this is what my ex is doing to our 11 yr old daughter before it’s too late??
    I’m trying to get a peace bond, but waiting for he judges decision in 3 weeks. I’m afraid of him, he stalks me?

    Reply
    • June 8, 2016 at 1:03 am
      Permalink

      The legal system is different in every country and I am not a lawyer so I can’t give advise in that area. In some states of the USA, we have social investigators who can assist in this process.

      Reply
  • September 16, 2016 at 7:54 pm
    Permalink

    So are children better off if the spouse stays with the narcissist so as to protect them more directly?

    Reply
  • September 24, 2016 at 9:51 am
    Permalink

    I have read advice that after a split, the more healthy spouse should try to get primary custody of the child, to protect the child from these types of things. But what if the child wants to spend half their time with the narcissistic parent? Even if a judge allows it, won’t that just backfire, because the children will resent the parent who has custody?

    Reply
    • September 24, 2016 at 10:44 pm
      Permalink

      Unfortunately the laws governing custody of children are a matter for each individual state. THis question is best answered by an attorney in your area.

      Reply
  • September 26, 2016 at 8:19 am
    Permalink

    Hi there. In one of your replies you mentioned social investigators. What/whom are you referring to? 23 yrs into my relationship/marriage, I discovered that my husband was living a double life. Later I discovered he has NPD (our couples therapist told me about it. My soon to be ex in not a particularly intelligent man, so its a dichotomy; the utter brilliance of his behavior, words/lies, and retaliation are still extremely difficult for me. The gaslighting, the Identified Patient he made of me, and the believability of his lies. Never taking accountability and deflecting his actions on to me. I began to question my sanity. And still do. Its impossible to engage, or attempt to make them understand they have a personality disorder. In my case at least. It’s been more than 3 1/2 years since his best friend and business partner told me about The Impossible. This can’t be. It’s a nightmare. But if you don’t sleep, you are living in a relentless nightmare. I had a major breakdown a month after I found out what I Lund out. It left me not knowing him, and not knowing me. I’ve been with this man since 1989. How could I be so blind, foolish. The shame was too great. The loss of my identity sent me into mania for over three months. I finally understood suicide. It’s not a selfish act. Its the only choice people think they have to stop the terror, the fear, the frightening ease at which he lied. Lies. Yet a sociopath truly believes their lies. Its their truth. They play the victem role and believe they are. They continuously not only contradict what they’ve said, and will deny what was written via tex/email. I will show him the email he denies writing it. But it’s right here, look. Waste of time. I’m finally filing for divorce. The breakdown left me with symptoms similar to PTSD. I am an emotionally battered woman. I can’t walk into the Sherrif’s station without a split lip, a black eye or broken arm and press charges. I’ve just realized this. I had to be told a number of times before I could finally believe it. And there’s nothing to be done. We have three teens and he’s supposed to cover my expenses. I his insanity drove me to the edge of my own

    Reply
  • November 7, 2017 at 11:50 am
    Permalink

    Unfortunately the narc struck first with accusations of me turning the children against him right off the bat. This undermined anything the children said in therapy about their father. So he got that one taken care of right away. So no matter what the children relayed in therapy about the truth of their existence with the narc–it was not given much credibility. When you have a court, therapist, and narc working against you–it is nearly an impossibility that kids will end up undamaged and being angry with the good parent–because they are confused but also because the inherently know it is safe to vent their feelings with a parent who will not retaliate against them and who allows for feelings to be expressed. The narc is an expert on forcing people to repress their emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. When you have been wrongly labeled as mentally unbalanced, a liar, manipulative, and an alienator right from the start–a tactic that worked quite well for my ex–you will struggle for the remainder of your days. You can never make that right or prove the accusations false to some people. At some point–you don’t care anymore but those accusations reflect on your ability to parent your children, custody, school involvement etc. The narc knows this intuitively–and this is why they make accusations that are hard to disprove. I’ve found no way to remove this stigma from my life and simply have to proceed forward in the best manner possible. But some of us are stuck in hell, dealing with masterful liars and smear campaigners whose nasty lies don’t just make us feel bad–but whose lies damage everything around us.

    Reply
  • August 30, 2019 at 3:12 pm
    Permalink

    My ex LOVES to just cancel his weekends with our daughter when he gets mad at me. Recently he made a very stalker like move, and I clearly re-defined my boundaries. He immediately twisted it and said he now felt “unsafe” about picking up our daughter at me home per the CO and he suggested I pick a public place to do pick up and drop off that weekend. I said, “Sure. Police Department”. He immediately said NO WAY and said again, he felt threatened and unsafe so he was cancelling his weekend and if I wanted him to have his weekend, I had to bring her to his house and pick her up. I politely said that wasn’t going to happen. When my daughter called to ask when he was getting her, he said, unless mom was bring her, he guesses that he won’t get his weekend with her. My daughter was so upset, but after a lot of love, hugs, sharing her heart break by talking thru her pain, my daughter quickly figured out on her own that this was his issue, and that I am not the bad guy. Kids are smart. I provide a safe, quiet, stable, loving home for her. No chaos. No crazy. No toxicity and unhealthy relationships and people coming in and out constantly. That’s HIS life. She loves him to death, and that’s fine. It’s her dad. But I do not worry about my relationship with her. She knows who is always there for her and who she can rely on. It’s terrible he puts her in the middle, but my job is to keep her safe and provide the life and love that she deserves.

    Reply
  • January 19, 2020 at 10:53 am
    Permalink

    This article would be more valuable, much more valuable if the “ES” and “EN” shortcuts were omitted. It’s too easy to get lost. If you want to lead the way, then please consider more clarity.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply to Ronnie Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *