counseling

Statements That May be Helpful for “Normal” Couples, But are Destructive in Abusive/Narcissistic Relationships

It’s important to give him/her the benefit of the doubt


Abusers love it when you give them the benefit of the doubt. In fact, they bank on it. The more you overlook their mean behaviors, the better positioned they are to manipulate you and exploit your good nature in the future.

It takes two to tango


This message suggests that the reason you’re having problems is because both of you are equally responsible. Loved ones and bystanders buy...

Abuse

Victim Blaming

It is so hard to deal with abusers and other types of manipulators because they are masters at blame-shifting. Somehow, in any argument, they are adamantly more capable of convincing victims that they are at fault, than victims are at realizing they are the victims of the entire debacle!

Victim blaming is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to convince themselves and their victims that the problems lie with the other person, not with them.  The...

Abuse

Statements Frequently Made by Abusers, Narcissists, or other such Psychopaths

If you are involved in a relationship with someone who is abusive, then you have most likely experienced some of the following statements from your loved one.

“Quit bringing up the past!” When you try to talk about an offense he/she just committed 5 minutes ago.
“I’m sorry! Now, get off my back!” After you have been pressing for an overdue apology over another offense he/she committed.
Nothing. As you are being stonewalled once again...

Abuse

When you grow up as the invisible child (the impact of being raised by a narcissist)

The impact of being invisible as a child
Were you the “invisible child” in your family growing up? Were you compliant and affable? Did you aim to please?  Were you overlooked and ignored? Did your parents take your good nature for granted?

If you grew up as the invisible child in your family, you may struggle as an adult with your need to be seen. You may feel deep inside that you are worthless and...

Abuse

Coping with Blame

The Blame Game

Have you ever been in a difficult relationship with someone, where you end up being blamed for all the problems? Or, have you ever tried to resolve a conflict with someone and all they did was put the responsibility for the problems completely on your back?

When you are being constantly blamed for things that go wrong in a relationship you end up feeling guilty, responsible, and like a failure. You may try harder...

Abuse

When your Parent is a Narcissist: Take your Life Back (or, establish it in the First Place!)

People who grow up in a home with a narcissistic parent tend to learn how to navigate life by using their parent’s feelings and moods as a guidepost. If the parent is happy, then the family can rest. If the parent is in a bad mood, then it is the family’s job to do something, anything, to fix the problem.

In reality, the problem is within the narcissist him/herself. The narcissist’s unhappiness is not caused by his/her...

Abuse

What’s up with Bill Cosby? – A perfect example of the duplicitous narcissist

Isn't it disappointing to watch "America's Father" be denigrated to nothing more than an over-sexed womanizer, or even worse, a rapist?  Or perhaps "disappointing" is an understatement. Perhaps another term describes it better; "Devastating?" Who saw that coming?  I know I certainly didn't.

As all the publicity about Bill Cosby's indiscretions are revealed to the point that now the celebrity has been accused of sexually accosting over 50 women, and charged with three felonies of "sexual...

General

What’s the difference between a narcissist, sociopath, and borderline?

People often wonder about the differences between  borderline, narcissist, and antisocial personality disorders - the Cluster B personality disorders.

It is helpful to realize that personality disorders exist on a continuum, and also that the following three personality types can all exist in one individual and at different degrees of intensity.  That is to say, personality disorders are not mutually exclusive.

In addition to this, all personality disorders contain elements of narcissism; in particular, are the traits...

Abuse

Narcissists Do Not Parent: This Explains Why You are Having Such a Hard Time!

Do you ever wonder why you are so exhausted raising your kids when their other parent is a narcissist?

It's because, in all practicality, you're a single parent. Not only that, if you are still married to the narcissist, he or she is the biggest and most difficult of all your kids. He/she causes you a high level of stress most of the time.

If you are trying to co-parent with a narcissist you might as well...

Abuse

The Psychological Effects and Treatment of Child Abuse

Definition:

Complex trauma occurs over time.  Experiences of chronic child abuse and neglect result in complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s not that one time being assaulted by your parent caused you trauma, it’s that your experience as a child was filled with recurring involvements of maltreatment, resulting in symptoms that are often diagnosed as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,) depression, anxiety, and other psychological maladies.  While these diagnoses may be accurate on some level,...

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