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4 Comments to
Healing the Abandonment Wound

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  1. “In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.” This is the key. You still have a life to live! So be kind to yourself, live your life by doing the things that you really enjoy, have people in your life that love and respect you. And to the people that hurt me? Well, I’ve made my peace with what you’ve done and I’ve moved on.

  2. I didn’t find out I’d come out of a horror background until I was 53 owing to memory loss which neatly allows functionality but little inner growth , other than annoying subliminal neurotic reactions to situations which “normal ” people deal with.
    These often made me stop and think why, but in the absence of information, I could only conclude I had a character set which was really “different” and so be it, life is for getting on with, warts and all.
    However, finally given the truth , it became possible to reroute a lot of my peccadilloes, mostly emotional avoidance techniques until I got somewhere near the centre of the who I am with the help of a therapist.
    Good idea to have someone to bounce your ideas and progress off because its very easy to get hooked up on a detail which actually isn’t important, and like many a pilot in an emergency forget that the main job is flying the plane.
    One thing I did find important was to work to a steady progress rather than some miraculous change.
    Had a few of those which turned out to be false gods as inner stasis for better or worse is a safety habit which requires small increments to manifest real change.
    In other words miracles take a little longer.
    Eventually I became aware that my memory loss was a trauma condition, and so began another tack which was even more complex, because at best all I could do was to create visualisations of the event, and then play it in the hope of feeling or getting near the feelings of the child that I’d been when all this shit was going down.
    Not all of these worked of course , but little by little it became clear that the major blocking agency was PTSD and the “horseplay” flags up as an NDE, and so eventually I was able to make a rights of passage to the karmic spot and go through an imaginary rerun, “lights camera and action ” like a film director, in the hope that it would begin the healing process.
    This it did, but as I’ve mentioned rendering changes may require many repetitions to reform new habits, yes its like learning math and the abc again.
    So when does it, did it end?
    Well actually never, but there comes a point when the inner and outer aspects meld into a calmer and more peaceful approach especially when one realises that forgiveness is a necessity and hanging on to grudges whether by intent or unwittingly are life drogues and do not help in the normal moment to moment joy of existence.
    The worthness of all of this hard work is not only understanding who we are but also in which place and through which talents we can stake our true value as a human being.
    All of this could and can be done with determination and hope in spite of a mental condition called PTSD with its sneaky little attachment dyslexia…
    Um yes folks of the stealth type, I failed at examinations when the questions got blurry and went walkabout.
    Reading and writing came through comics and cartoons, so bit by bit and very slowly I became a reader and an articulate writer, but very slow..spellcheck spellcheck, without which ..it doesn’t bear thinking about …lol
    So keep going folks, abused and a abandoned as a child..but cracking grand-parenting followed…Hi five to y’all.

  3. Sharie,

    As a fellow therapist I agree that abandonment/neglect is a huge issue for many patients. But I don’t think that it is under-recognized or under-represented in contemporary literature, unless you’re referring to the strict CBT folks. In the age of interpersonal neurobiology and after all of the research and practical application of attachment theories, abandonment is clearly being seen as akin to abuse in terms of its affect on individuals. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your well-thought-out piece on the subject.

  4. good god this can lead to suicide so can desertion and neglect “I have a wonderful life ” lol or do I???????????

 

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