2 thoughts on “Why Victims of Abuse stay in the Relationship

  • March 16, 2019 at 6:38 pm

    I stayed in an abusive “marriage” for 31 years….verbal abuse and to a lesser extent…physical. I found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; I think it should be required reading for everyone. One sentence helped me get a divorce: “Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself….win.” I have been speaking to groups in regards to verbal abuse for 20 years. I gave my paper; Society’s Hidden Pandemic, Verbal Abuse,Precursor to Physical Violence and a Form of Biochemical my State’s Counseling association……no degree, but a lifetime of abuse (except for 3 years in the army) has made me an “expert.” I used my life story of overcoming and thriving, and won a scholarship, and I started school at age 60;am a Sophomore at 72! Vietnam era veteran, singer, dancer, author,poet….my goal is to speak on National Television regarding verbal abuse…”shredding of souls.”

    I have written a poetry book, Sanctuary of the Soul and my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice)….my endorsements are humbling (a few): Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Dr. Alice Miller, Dr. Larry Dossey..

  • March 19, 2019 at 4:07 pm

    I was in one of those relationships, hell, each one I entered was somehow a carbon copy of a family member or all of them in one. And each time the next one got worse than the one before. The last one was a coke addict, ( I could change him, not). I became an addict also. I eventually found the courage to leave but was now an alcoholic for the next couple of years. I reached out and got the best help I’ve experienced in my life which included a long term residential re-hab and a therapist who wasn’t a fan of 12 step program’s, neither was I and that was before I met her. I learned many, many things about myself in that re-hab. One of them was one of the reasons I didn’t leave earlier was “familiarity” leaving into the unknown was scary as hell, staying in the predictability was “safe” I knew it, I understood it, all that comfy stuff. The second I heard about the familiar thing, I related all over the place, it was a good key in understanding one of the many reasons I stayed. Your article is very helpful also. It’s been 20 years since then and I still read everything I can get my eyeballs on to keep reminding myself, it’s not me anymore, it’s them.


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