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4 thoughts on “Lies Victims Tell Themselves When in an Abusive/Narcissistic Relationship

  • November 16, 2019 at 9:26 am
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    What if you feel both sides? Like you are both the abuser and the abused?

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    • November 17, 2019 at 12:37 pm
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      Then it might be a good time to change.

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  • November 17, 2019 at 1:17 am
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    Hi Dr. Stines, thank you so much for sharing this article. It has opened my eyes to a truth I could not see for myself. Love is a verb.

    I have been making excuses for my daughter’s father for years.

    The abuse has gotten so bad, his mother recently called me on the telephone and I declined to speak to her at that time (frankly, i didn’t want to talk to anyone). Mind you, she and I have spoken on the phone once in the last 5 years, and when she called my bf put the phone on speaker so not only did I not have a choice to listen to her or not, my daughter also had to hear the hour long conversation. Which wasn’t really even a conversation bc i wasn’t allowed to get in a single word and when I attempted, I was scolded for “running my g** d*** mouth too much and not listening”.

    She used countless profanities, insults, and even asked if I wanted her to send pictures she has of me “smoking crack” to my employer or other member’s of my family. **the picture of me smoking crack is actually a pic of me abusing meth; it’s over 10 years old and was uploaded from an old cell phone, before we dated or even knew each other**

    Wouldn’t her actions be considered blackmail? Is she abusing me too?

    Long story short: I did not want my 5 year old to hear ANY of this, but there was nothing i could do to get her off the phone or get my daughter and I away from the situation! Is there such a thing as mother’s of narcissistic son’s gas lighting the abused victim? Her son is physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally abusive to me. I have stated that I wanted to have him arrested for family violence and it seems like once she found this out, she tried her best to convince me I was the reason her son was abusive. That him hitting me is MY fault.

    Also, he has brainwashed me into thinking I can’t make it without him and if I report his abuse, he’ll have me arrested for drug abuse and my daughter will be taken by the state.

    I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and for us I want to get better.

    I have an assessment at a women’s and children’s inpatient rehab facility in about 3 weeks, but in the mean time do you have any suggestions I can do to protect myself and/ or not react to his abuse?

    Thank you so much for listening!

    B.T.W. I’ve been diagnosed p.t.s.d. (from my childhood), bi-polar, and to have depression. I also believe I have B.P.D., self-diagnosed. He also has NOT been diagnosed as having NPD from a professional, that was merely my opinion

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    • November 17, 2019 at 12:36 pm
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      Sounds pretty abusive. It doesn’t really matter what someone’s official diagnosis is in the end. Abusive person, narcissist, A$$hole – it’s all bad. There’s a good YouTube video by “The Little Shaman” entitled, “Your Emergency Narcissist Tootkit.” I would recommend that as a great resource for what to do in the meantime.

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