8 thoughts on “Coping with Covert Abuse

  • October 25, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    Very interesting post. I especially like your acknowledgment that recovery can be lonely, as it’s difficult to articulate what has happened in ways that help others understand. I wonder what the best ways are to help children who may be experiencing covert abuse.

  • October 25, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    Perth Western Australia
    Thank you for your article recognising subtle forms of abuse. Awareness of it happening and strong self esteem is sound advice. May I offer another empowering option? It is to connect to the resource of unconditional love that is often ignored, living within each person’s heart. Religion (with a God to be worshipped as external to our being) has robbed us of considering this consoling, strengthening and clear support of the Greater Self that lives in the heart as the Spirit Within. I am an author and spiritual mentor(age 77). My first book, God’s Callgirl, is an account of life choices based on abuse. My latest book, Healing from Abuse a Practical Spiritual Guide, gently and gradually introduces a person to connect with the most powerful resource in the Universe: Unconditional Love. Finding it, feeling it and trusting it is part of the journey. I hope it’s OK for me to mention this here. Thank you for your work. I look forward to receiving more news from you. Carla

    • July 30, 2018 at 8:21 pm

      I would like to thank you for the use of the term “unconditional love” as the most powerful tool for healing. My husband was SEVERELY abused from a small child all the way until his mother’s passing, 35 years. The amazing part is he truly is AN AMAZING MAN. He has finally accepted my unconditional love almost 11 years later, and we have been making so much headway. Therapy can be frightening and intimidating for a covert incest victim, especially a male, especially when they can appear as a well-rounded person to almost everyone they come in contact with. I am his wife; I became his victim. But with patience, love, and understanding, we are both on a journey to recovery. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS ABSOLUTELY THE MOST NECESSARY KEY TO HEALING. God bless, you.

  • October 29, 2016 at 11:13 am

    It’s important to note that much of the abuses women have suffered in recent decade are due to covert traumatic mind control methods, etc, such as being verbally abused, interrogated, drugged,and gaslighted, even hypnotized with triggers. For those who choose to keep this quiet? Accept anger; it’s abuse, not “mental illness” and your silence is the final blow. This is never their fault and can take years to get out of without a friend’s help. I agree with Perth that awareness is needed and self esteem will always need to be rebuilt as the ego was to destroy you, but my God didn’t allow it.

  • October 29, 2016 at 11:15 am

    Thank you for the information

  • January 9, 2017 at 4:38 am

    Thank you so much for all of the information which you have provided on covert abuse. I have been the victim of such during the past 6 months by someone who is seemingly above reproach. He holds a position of authority, and has managed to deceive many…………………..fortunately, I can walk away from him, but at the loss of the friendships of others within our particular community. One friend understands……………… else would; but the sad thing is that despite, his recent “marriage”, following the breakup of his marriage, and having 3 teenage sons who have been damaged by this, I can see his lustful behaviour continuing. I am sure that the mind-control and emotional garbage with sexual overtures will exhibit itself while we happily lull the group with our very regimented organizational abilities, and “cliques” designed to ‘divide and conquer’. You have helped me immensely with your article and the lady who mentioned spirituality is right………………it is only my faith and trust in Almighty God that has given m the courage to see this through. Many thanks again.

  • December 8, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Thanks for this article and explanation. I knew I experienced covert abuse, but at 73, today was the first time it occurred to me to explore what it is!!! I think this is an explanation for my need to tell other people about negative experiences, over and over, just to get validation that the experience is indeed what I perceived it to be. Wow!

  • March 13, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    hi ive just seen this site,its so amazing to see all this here,an eyeopener& clarifier
    i was looking up what covert abuse is because ineed help getting out of a relationship like this
    iam in scotland,i would be interested in sykpe sessions also carlas book,i had the same life uguess(sexwork)
    -before this 30 odd years ago ihad amassive positive spiritual awakening a long time ago,to sources love etc was ahealer for many years and helped people women,ran creative,untuitive workshops,ifeel cut of from this posivity now and miss my connection,joy and healing,protection gift etc 🙁 and my purpose in life imiss that universal love,the angels that inspired me,but iknow they are there,imiss god/goddess directly,istill have link but nothing like previous
    also part of my journey as a incest/abuse/rape surviver and a healer/empath/sensitive etc(not practising now t) has been the energetic abuse,jealousy ive sufferd(even from competative healers/therapisr too sadly,who have misused their power,forgeting they powerful conduits,and thoughts of anger revenge carry energy(we all do it but ive never been acurser,never on that path,but have been sent much off this stuff) and often healers
    /therapist have done allsorts in other lives and are doing this work to be of service,serve pay/give back and balance karma
    seemed to have attracted bullies,vampires,the abusers iam trying to defend myself are the spiritual/lower astral side,there are abusers,iwent to the wrong people for help,my ondoing was not trusting in my intuition(i also didn know how to process it ,but people pleased instead,and respected others guidence not my own,and paid aheavy price fir that,mainly ididng find any help or else people where charging way to much
    i was powerful in agood way yet didnt know it or honour it
    bad people felt threatened by it and iwas attacked alot,ididnt always know how to process my “shadow as a”lightworker” wasnt taught that stuff then iguess it came back to bite me on the ass to be aware
    idont yet know the higher aspect of why this happend t also know iam working through anger that was prsent when growing up and mayb projected it energeticly
    but hope when ican clear and defend myself (inever felt protected in my life etc) icant do this in my own anymore,ihope ican share technques to help others too,when ive centered in it ,ido know my limits
    ive struggled writing this iam dyslexic and feel exposed but glad idid
    ps idont know much about this site,is ir christian?but God or ,light has always been my source not my energy,( but akso feel connected to nature,the earth,animalkngdom,plants
    ,ive lived largely alone path,pushing more rowards this and therefore in the past my inner/higherpower spirit,god etc source of good energy)though iam not aligned to one religion,ihave studied them somewhat when seeking spiritual proection techniques,perspectives
    iknow ilack trust,faith worthyness though,mayb thats why alot of this stuff still happens to me
    manythanks,id be interested in mayb theapists/prayer circles groups who can work on all aspects with me,idont have much money though
    ihave alot to clear,iwats been put on me is realy bad and iknow iam not the blessing iwas ihave to clear
    and be my own light that truth that iam


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