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The Recovery Expert
with Sharie Stines, Psy.D.

Abuse

When Your Mother is a Narcissist

Be the subject of your own life, not the object of someone else's.
Only children of narcissists know the insidiousness of growing up with the crazy emotional mind games and conditioning they were raised with.  Children of narcissists do not realize that they are being abused and conditioned in dysfunctional ways, until years into their adulthood and often years after entering therapy.  Because a child's vantage point is so limited, he has no idea that...

Abuse

Crazy Mind Games

Do you have someone in your life who plays crazy mind games?  Are you at the point where you realize something is wrong, you know something bad is happening, you know it's a pattern, but then, you really can't pinpoint the problem and you certainly don't know what to do about it? Chances are, the person playing with your mind is someone close to you, a boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, parent, child, sibling, or maybe even a boss or...

Abuse

Recognizing and Changing an Abusive Relationship

There are three essential elements to an abusive relationship:

Consistent occurrences of power and control by perpetrator
Chronic feelings and displays of disrespect
Unhealthy attachment mistaken for love

Abusers are highly deceptive and others, including the victim, have no idea that he is being abusive at all.  He deceptively hides the fact that the above three factors are occurring in the relationship.  He purposefully undermines his victim’s individuality and confidence by dominating conversations and suppressing her...

Abuse

How to Integrate Traumatic Memories

The following information is provided to help therapists and counselors assist their clients in processing through the exercise of integrating uncomforted memories.  The content of this article is based on the work and research of Dr. Bonnie Badenoch, the compassionate therapist.  For more information on her great work, I would highly recommend her awesome book, The Brain-Savvy Therapist Workbook.

What goes unseen and uncomforted remains isolated in our brains; , these memories are in an unintegrated...

counseling

The Power of Journaling

Sometimes it is hard to know where to begin the journey of recovery from traumatic and other difficult experiences, such as abuse, rejection, death, betrayal, abandonment, disaster, loss, or some other type of disturbance that occurs in our lives.  There is, however, one tool that is always available, and for the most part, can be used at any time.  This tool is the journal.

Why is journaling so powerful?  There are many reasons that journaling can...

Abuse

Victims of Emotional Abuse

There is no “one size fits all” description for emotional abuse; but, there are some generalizations to be made.  Emotional abuse is any type of intentional behavior that hurts its target emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically (if you can find the distinctions).  Emotional abuse, on its own, is particularly damaging because it is insidious and tends to be covert.  By covert, I mean, it “flies under the radar.”  Most victims and others do not see...

Abuse

What to Expect When you Marry a Narcissist

If you are planning to marry a narcissist, here is a list of things to expect in your relationship.  Realize that you will be marrying a person who is incapable of having a healthy, intimate, interpersonal relationship because narcissism is a characterological disorder. Your marriage will be the most important relationship in your life; be wise in who you select to commit to.  If you marry a narcissist you will be uniting with a person who does not...

Abuse

The Silent Treatment

At best the silent treatment is an immature behavior used by spoiled brats and manipulative individuals.  At worst, it is a weapon used by abusers to punish their victims.  One demographic of the population that particularly loves the silent treatment is the narcissist.  In fact, the silent treatment is the narcissist's favorite weapon.

Whether the person in your life is using the silent treatment immaturely or abusively, one thing is for sure, it is infuriating to receive; problems...

Abuse

The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Isn't it enough that victims have to deal with the hurt and frustration caused merely by loving a narcissist?  To add insult to injury, narcissists in their lives have their own personal minions, appropriately labeled as "flying monkeys," who side with them and join their "team" and set out to participate in their damaging agenda to destroy the targets' lives.

Flying monkeys...

Abuse

How to Spot a Child Molester

How do you know when a person is safe for your child to be around?   Answer:  You really can never be 100% sure because pedophiles and other brands of child molesters are master manipulators; but, there are some clues that can be indicators that someone is not safe for your child.

Ways to identify a child molester:

They are more interested in talking to your child than they are in talking to you.
They tend to...