The Recovery Expert
with Sharie Stines, Psy.D.


Coping With the Rejection Of a Child

One of the hardest things to experience is the betrayal wound that occurs when your own child grows up to hate you.  I have seen this numerous times in my life, to the point that I am compelled to write about it.

Parents who have been rejected by one or more of their children experience a type of pain that is not matched by any other – even the betrayal of a spouse or parent.

If you...


Narcissism Explained: Jungian Theory

Warning:  This is not light reading!


Here’s an interesting approach to defining and describing narcissism using Jungian theory as a basis. This theory involves a spiritual component to personality disorders, a concept that is vastly underrepresented in Western society.

Carl Jung, a 20th century Swiss psychologist, had this to say about the idea of a spiritual aspect to psychopathology:

“Possession, though old-fashioned, has by no means become obsolete; only the name has changed....


Let Go of That Toxic Relationship and Move On!

If you are in a toxic relationship and find yourself longing to be free from the negativity it causes in your life,  yet you stand at the precipice, waiting, too afraid to take the leap off the metaphorical cliff, then read on, there is hope.

Letting Go:

While letting go of anything can be very difficult, letting go of a toxic relationship can be extremely so; it is akin to letting go of a drug....


Healing from Divorce

Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences a person can have. No one ever enters a divorce with joy and glee. Prior to the decision to divorce someone there has been a lot of hurt. The course of events looks something like this:

Falling in Love - Dream of a happy future - Marriage - Sharing dreams together - Betrayal - Hurt/ Anger / Sadness - Hanging on - Decision to...


When you’re the so-called “codependent” in a narcissistic relationship

Some people absolutely hate being referred to as a “codependent” because they are in an abusive relationship or some other type of relationship with an addict or narcissist.  You may be one of those people who believe that being labeled a “codependent” can be re-victimizing in some respects because it involves victim blaming. In essence, it feels to the person being labeled as if they “brought it on themselves.” It somehow makes a victim of...


How to Recognize a Controller and Take Back Your Life

Controlling people can be very taxing to be around after a while. This is because you spend so much of your energy, when with this person, trying to exert your own sense of agency or autonomy, and trying to ward off oppression. This can be very draining.  You may find yourself falling in to the role of a helpless child, needing guidance and advice all the time in order to make decisions.

Here are some common...


Statements That May be Helpful for “Normal” Couples, But are Destructive in Abusive/Narcissistic Relationships

It’s important to give him/her the benefit of the doubt

Abusers love it when you give them the benefit of the doubt. In fact, they bank on it. The more you overlook their mean behaviors, the better positioned they are to manipulate you and exploit your good nature in the future.

It takes two to tango

This message suggests that the reason you’re having problems is because both of you are equally responsible. Loved ones and bystanders buy...


Victim Blaming

It is so hard to deal with abusers and other types of manipulators because they are masters at blame-shifting. Somehow, in any argument, they are adamantly more capable of convincing victims that they are at fault, than victims are at realizing they are the victims of the entire debacle!

Victim blaming is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to convince themselves and their victims that the problems lie with the other person, not with them.  The...


Statements Frequently Made by Abusers, Narcissists, or other such Psychopaths

If you are involved in a relationship with someone who is abusive, then you have most likely experienced some of the following statements from your loved one.

“Quit bringing up the past!” When you try to talk about an offense he/she just committed 5 minutes ago.
“I’m sorry! Now, get off my back!” After you have been pressing for an overdue apology over another offense he/she committed.
Nothing. As you are being stonewalled once again...


When you grow up as the invisible child (the impact of being raised by a narcissist)

The impact of being invisible as a child
Were you the “invisible child” in your family growing up? Were you compliant and affable? Did you aim to please?  Were you overlooked and ignored? Did your parents take your good nature for granted?

If you grew up as the invisible child in your family, you may struggle as an adult with your need to be seen. You may feel deep inside that you are worthless and...